Hedonism.

I just discovered a bruise. Right below my right knee. I can't really say it comes as a surprise to me seeing as I always tend to talk into something or drop things, but it doesn't hurt and it's kinda green. And I can't for the love of god remember what I've done to 'cause it. I'm sure more bruises will turn up when I take my yearly Christmas shower - they usually do. Sometimes I think I'm gonna end up like one of those women who always say "Oh no, I fell down the stairs, silly really", but in my case it'd actually be true. And then I would of course live with a man who everyone sees as a "bit violent - especially after drinking" and one day the neighbours would call the police because I'm screaming and the police would come and I would open the door and be full of bruises and nasty cuts and they would question my man, who would deny it of course, and then they'd question me "we had a call about domestic violence, m'am" and I'd deny everything of course because it just isn't true. I walked into the doorframe. That's why my eye is all blue and swollen. And the cut on my arm? I slipped with the knife. What? Why I'm limping? Well, you see, we have these rabbitholes in the backyard and I stepped in one of those and twisted my ancle. And the police would take the neighbours' word that "something ain't right in there" and take my man away. Then he'd be killed in jail since men who beat women don't last long in there and I'd be all alone. Of course... I would have a lot of money... and I can always put those eight kids in an orphanary... I'll get back to you on this.

It's Christmas Eve today! It's the big day here in Sweden - someone got it wrong ages ago so now the 24th is what it's all about. The 24th is also the day that a lot of people get their last Christmaspresents. Between you and me - I really understand why this is also that time of year when the suiciderate goes way up. The pressure, the darkness, the pain - I totally get it.
Anyway, for me Christmas isn't about gifts. It's about the food! Wonderful, glorious food filling a whole table and smelling and looking delicious. (I have a secret love for egg-halves, god knows why, but I just love them! Only at Christmas though - not really that fond of eggs anymore.) It's also about love and joy and even though this has been the worst year so far (karma better have something really good stored for me) I can still feel the spirit. The happiness is just... wow.

Now... where the fuck did I put that DVD I was suppose to give my sister...?