pain

I'm not asking for sympathy - I'm just clearing my head. (This entry is for our beloved dog who we have to put to sleep today. Long live Rex the Labrador.)

It's not hard to keep the tears away. It should be, but it's not. Maybe it will be harder when I get home and there's darkness and silence and I start thinking. I don't know.

I miss him of course, but since I moved away from home I haven't seen him very much so I guess I got used to the thought of not having him around.

Right now I'm split in two parts; one completely rational part who knows that this was the best for him and that he's in a place without suffering now, and another who gets tears in her eyes when she realises that she'll never be able to hug him again. Ever. That's a hard insight.

I celebrate his life, I don't mourn his death. Over these 13 years he brought me so much joy that I will always be thankful. He will still mean the world to me. Always.