Sunday, 16 November 2008

Emotional overload...

My mind is spinning. It's spinning and I just can't get it to stop. Sometimes I wish I could just pull the head off and throw it away so it could spin somewhere else and not bother me. Not that I'm not used to it, because I am, but lately it seems to be spinning more than usual.
There's a sequence in one of the X-Men 2 where Brian Cox's character, William Stryker, tells Charles Xavier that his wife put a drill to her head in order to get rid of the images their son planted in her brain. It killed her of course, but at least she got rid of the images. It's a shame that wouldn't help me - you know, since I believe in reincarnation.

You know, sometimes when I look into a mirror I'm actually amazed of what I see there. It depends a lot on the mood, but lately I seem to like what I see even if the mind is spinning. I think I'm doing progress. Today I took out the trash and saw my reflection in the glass in the door and felt "I don't look that bad at all" - it felt great!

If I believed in psycology I'd find someone to talk to, but since I don't I'm just gonna deal with the spinning in my own way. You can't react to what you don't feel. I'll pull the emotions out next year and deal with them then.

My voice is poisoned
I'm not talking
My hearing is perfect
I'm not listening
I feel everything
I choose not to
and it's breaking me apart

1 comment:

Clumsy said...

I know the feeling and the spinning.


But tbh, i always said that ppl that don't believe in drugs and therapy just didn't feel bad enough :P
If its bad enough you're gonna grasp for drugs, help or God, whatever that is close...

I didn't believe either before, but truth to be told, if i hadn't grasp for that I wouldn't sit here writing stuff in your blog.