Figglets!

When I get rich and famous and go on tours and have my own private loge I won't come with those ridiculous demands that "stars" do. I won't demand ten litres of distilled sea water from the Arctic Ocean. I won't go berserk if I don't have 20 kgs of meat from the Russian Seabear which only lives in Siberia. People won't get their heads chopped off just because they accidentally gave me eggshell-coloured roses when I wanted "bone white". What I will do is give people hugs and kisses and tell them that they're doing a lovely job. Ha, I got you there, didn't I? Of course, I won't do that. I will ask nicely for some liqorice and chocolate and water and when they laugh at me I'll call their mothers and say that their children are mean. You see, I believe that telling their mothers would help me get what I want. Then again, I'm not a star. Maybe that's for the best really. Maybe I should just be behind the stage co-ordinating stuff instead. I think I'd be really good at that. "What? Someone wanted 25 bottles and only got 23? Moahahaha! I mean, how sad..."