Thunder and lightning!

Good afternoon and welcome to today's session. Today we're discussing the reality of stories. Mr. English, would you like to start?

"Yes, I think I would. Snowhite. If we ignore the fact that she exiles herself from some stupid tart and go live with some midgets, she's just stupid as all hell. She opens the door for a lady selling apples! When was the last time you came across someone selling apples?!"
"Don't you still have people coming to your door selling milk?"
"Well, uhm yes... but that's beside the point! I mean, I can understand if she lived in a city or something. 'Apple lady!' - I mean, that works. But the bitch lives in the middle of the forest. She lives in the middle of nowhere. The cabin is meant to be in fucking nowhere! That's why she goes there! Because it's in the middle of fucking nowhere! I mean, how can the apple lady even find her there?! And why does she open the fucking door? It's the first human contact she gets in god knows how long and it's a fucking woman selling apples!"

Would anyone else like to add something? No? Okay, let's move on then. Goldylocks. Yes, Mr. English?
"Well, what's up with it? They have three bowls of porridge and they all have different warmth. How's it even possible to get three different temperatures when it's cooked in the same pan at the same time?"
"You never know if it's cooked at the same time because the story doesn't tell you, and it is possible. If you cook porridge in a pan and you pour one bowl and then another and then a third they will all be slightly different in temperature."
"Well, if your porridge is too cold - why would you go for a walk?! I can understand it if the porridge was too warm, but too cold?!"
"You never find out if the porridge is too cold for the bears, you just know that it's too cold for Goldylocks. They are bears living in a house, there's no reality to it."
"And another thing! One bed is too hard and one is too soft."
"I'm suprised that Mama Bear and Papa Bear doesn't sleep in the same bed, myself."
"Exactly! How did they make Baby Bear? 'Come over here, you.' ' Oh no, your bed is too hard. You come over here.' 'No, your bed is too soft.' I'm gonna rewrite Grimms' fairy tales from a realistic point of view."

I assume that the next time you read the story of Goldylocks it will be something along the line of: "Goldylocks got lost in the woods. Luckily she had her brand new mobile phone with a fantastic gps and soon found the way back home again. The end."