Vale lai lai

For some reason I can't install my Sims 2 to my stationary computer. It won't even give me a reason - just a big X and an annoying sound. It's not even a copied cd - it's bloody storebought and everything! Even got its own code!
You know, I love the technological revolution. I really do. I can play games on my stationary computer, chat on my laptop, watch a dvd or listen to music and I love it all. It's just that when technology decides to screw me over without using protection that I get a bit cranky. And think about easier days. Without technology. When people didn't have electricity. Or running water. Or when they shit in a big hole in the ground. Did you know that going to the shithouse used to be a social activity? Did you know that it still is in some parts of the world? Ah, the toilet. Now there's an excellent invention. I never get why people are so prude about it. Everyone goes, but no one ever talks about it. It's not like it's a secret that you were just in there and that you loved it! Be proud damnit! Out with it in the novels and comic books! Let's see Batman on the shithouse for once!

Oh, I gotta run - some people in white coats are here now...

Mr Brain's Pork Faggots

You know, I'm so happy I could burst. I feel like I could shoot off into the sky and turn into a million amazing fireworks. (Think about the fireworks in the first Lord of the Rings-movie and you're on the right track. Yes, of course the dragon. Have I taught you nothing?!)

Yesterday I got into a discussion with the Englishman of my preference when we were watching a show called QI. (It's short for "Quite Interesting" and it kinda was.) The question was why so many American citizens call 911 on Christmas morning. My idea was that the Christmaslights set the houses on fire. I thought it was a really good idea, but nope I was wrong. Apparently it is because they get new cellphones and since they don't have any money or cards in them they can't call anyone but 911. According to law in the United States cellphones have to be able to call 911 without either card or money.

Him: That's weird.
Me: We have the same in Sweden - you can call rescue without money. Not sure about the card though - think you might need one.
Him: What's the number for the rescue service in Sweden?
Me: 112. (Then I touched his mouth "1", his nose "1" and his eyes "2". "That's how they teach it to kids in Sweden.)
Him: 112 will get you the Coastguard in England.
Me: Really? I don't even know the number to the Coastguard in Sweden. It would be rather funny though if you started with the strange greeting phrase you guys have here. (They start with "You alright, are you?", I usually go for "hello" myself, but English folks always have to be so damn special.)
Him: 'I've been murdered I have!' Well, I guess you wouldn't call someone up if you've been murdered would you? It'd be a bit hard.
Me: 'You alright, are you?'
Him: 'No, I'm bloody well not, I've been murdered! It's the third time this month!' 'Are you at the sea?' 'No, I'm not.' 'Well, then we can't help you. Piss off.'

So this brings us to the conclusion that the English are weird. But we already knew that, didn't we? We surely all know at least one English person who's proved to be a bit cocoo in the old flubber. I know that I have. Obviously.

Apparently I'm gonna have an English breakfast now. If you don't hear from me again then call 999. I would need proper help and I'm nowhere near the sea.

[Later research has shown that the number 112 will get you help from other departments aswell - not only the coastguard.]

48 hours

You know, it's hard to be alone again. After having someone with you for three weeks it feels odd to come home to an empty apartment. I look over my shoulder and there's no one there who smiles at me. I make up a funny joke and there's no one to tell it to. I eat my breakfast alone in silence because there's no one to talk to. It's crazy how fast you can get used to something. I never thought I'd be one of those people who wants to spend every living second together with someone, but apparently fate decided that "hell yea you are". So now I'm watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian which isn't the greatest movie in the world, but the guy playing Prince Caspian is kinda hot so that's the reason I bought it. Now I just wanted to watch something that won't remind me of how alone I am and what is better than a movie with pink leaf-creatures, talking lions and a horn you can blow for help? Exactly!

Mmm... food...

sniper

Before I die there's several things I want to have done. Skydiving, windsurfing, mountain climbing. See the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower and the opera house in Sydney. Star in a musical, dance on a stage and make a speech in front of many many people. I'd also like to streak through a hotel corridor (so far I've had two opportunities to do so - none of them taken) and have sex under the stands at some form of game. Preferably outside. During the summer. When people are sitting on it. Yea, I know... I'm a bit weird sometimes... I'd also like to visit a city in France called Cap d’Agde. Why? Because it has a resort for nudists. No need for clothes, let's all be naked and happy! Then again... I kinda like wearing clothes... I kinda like it when old men don't stare at my body. I kinda like it when I don't have to see old men's penises swing back and forth when they walk. I kinda like not having to see old women's breasts hanging down to their knees. You know, I'll get back to you on this. I'm still torn.

Santa's Red Hat

I just managed to poke myself in my left eye. It kinda hurts. And it's kinda full of tears. And this morning at breakfast I might've cut my left index finger when cutting a bun open. Might've. Maybe it bled a bit. Maybe it hurt. Maybe I just shouldn't be allowed to do stuff. At all. Maybe it would just be best for the world if I was locked up in a padded cell and strapped to a bed. Wow, that'd be creepy. Lying there on my back and being unable to move. I'm not a fan of lying on my back so I'd probably panic rather quickly. Not to mention what one had to do when it's time to visit the ladies' room. I guess the needs would have to be done just then and there seeing as I'd be a danger to myself and others if I was released. Do they put a diaper on the patients? If I wasn't so freaked out by mental hospitals I'd check it right now.

oranges

Sometimes I fuck up. It's usually just small stuff like turning a piece of meat into a black rock or tripping over my own feet, but then sometimes it goes south rather royally. Like now when I've accidentally fucked up my e-mail. Fucked up how? Well... I might've changed the password and never really finished the process and thus gotten caught between "change password" and "answer secret question". I know - way to go! It's quite annoying. It's even more annoying that I had to send a mail to the support and provide a bunch of info to make sure that it's my e-mail. Like I remember my secret question. And even if I did - like it would be answered properly. That never happens. Times like these it's a trait I really hate about myself. If only I wrote stuff down. If only I planned ahead. If only I was smart enough to actually finish stuff and not end mid-process. What a world it would be! Now... all I have to do is wait another 20+ hours and hopefully they'll realise that yes, it's her account and yes, she's rather stupid and yes, we can fix her account for her. If this doesn't work I'm going to alternative e-mails. We don't want that.

Tip of the day: Singing with a bad throat is a really stupid idea.

chasing rabbits

The amount of money that football clubs pay for players range from crazy till completely insane. 130 million SEK is somewhere inbetween. I wish I had that amount of money. I mean, it's mental, but I still want it.

I wonder if anyone would pay that for me if I got kidnapped and why is it "kidnapped" when you speak about adults? Shouldn't it be "adultnapped" then? I guess "kidnapped" could work if it's kids who take adults, but still... it just doesn't work as it should.

It's raining again

/Marge Simpson

It's leaking in. Running along the walls. Making puddles on the floor. Everything is as it should be. You know, there's an episode of the Simpsons where Fat Tony builds a ramp for disabled at Springfield Elementary School. It's made of crackers and doesn't last very long. That's how it feels to work here. Like it's a house made of crackers that might fall down every second. Let me give you a tip - if you do something, make sure you do it properly, because you will get what you pay for. In this case that means leaking walls and water damage.

fantastic

Is there anything as exciting as reading about consumerism? I mean, it sure as hell beats playing World of Warcraft or watching a movie and it certainly beats working. It's so exciting that my head is spinning just now when I'm thinking about it. Yes, of course I'm lying. Reading about consumerism could be one of the most boring things I've ever done. It's probably not, but it could be. Then again, if I just do this now, then I can do something else later. And if I pass my exam then I can do whatever I want. As a reward. I believe in rewards. And I still haven't gotten that amazing silkdress I wanted. Huh? Oh, you know the one - deep red...? No? Hrm, maybe it just exists in my head then. Anyway, I'll get it somehow.

Some people should not be allowed to sing. Really. Because they suck. Bigtime.

Analyse

I've been neglecting you. That's really mean of me. It's like Yoko all over again. Shame on me. Shame, shame, shame. I don't hate you or anything, it's just that my brain turns into mush when I'm sick and then when I get well I don't know what to write. I still like you, you know. You still have a special place in my heart even though I don't write here. You. Are. Special. Yes, you. Obviously. Sheesh. I can't talk to you. You just don't listen. Go do something useful. Shoo.

Push It

Friday the 13th of August! Hooray! I love this day. Or well, not this day, but Friday the 13th. Good things always happen to me on this day - except that one day when I got snot on my shoes. Snot that wasn't even mine... God, that was disgusting.
You know, today it's six years since I got two of the sweaters in my closet - applegreen and applered. Six years! I'm sick. I would ask myself why I still remember the date, but you know - Friday the 13th is a cool date. Then again, it's just as uncommon as Thursday the 12th. Hrm, I never realised that before. Yes, my brain works lovely, thank you very much for your concern. Anyway, it wasn't just Friday the 13th. It was also a weekend of fun in a cabin with my friends. That was a great weekend. I don't think they remember the date, so it'll be fun to remind them tomorrow when we celebrate the birthday of my best friend. You know, we've been friends for 20 years this year. That's pretty damn impressive. Only had one real fight too and that lasted for about two weeks and then we moved on. (The secret is to communicate. Yes, I know - thought it was just some mumbo-jumbo made up by midgets in the woods, but nope. It actually works.) Wow, 20 years...

Go hide in the blades of that grass...

You know, when I get home from work tonight I'll have someone waiting for me. He said so himself. I guess he'll come at me with a knife while I take a shower... hrm, isn't that a movie? I have images of a shower curtain being ripped to shreds now. My beautiful shower curtain! With dolphins!

I drink a lot of tea. This morning I had two cups and yesterday I had one. Still, it's not so much as the English. They seem to think that a cup of tea is the ideal solution to any man's problems. "Got a bit of trouble with money? Have a cuppa." "Chased by a lion? Have a cuppa." "Got brutally gang-raped and can't walk? Have a cuppa, dear."
I'm not convinced. When I have moneytrouble it takes more than a cup of tea to solve it. Of course... I do believe in the power of chocolate, so maybe I shouldn't talk... Mmm... chocolate...

When I get home tonight I'll have my English boyfriend waiting for me (haha, never written that before) - hopefully without a sliced shower curtain. I'm fairly sure he'll have a cup of tea ready though. Even his dog drinks tea. Honestly. "Could you put the cup down on the floor? He won't give up easily." I stared at him in amazement and he said "he's an English dog - what do you expect". English people are weird.
Did you know that the word "weird" comes from "wyrd"? Or that "wyrd" means the same thing as weird, which is "odd", and comes from "Urd"? Urd is one of the norns in Norse mythology. No idea what a norn is? Watch Disney's Hercules and the three crazy old ladies there. That's it basically.

Run little rabbit, run...

My throat hurts. Not much, but noticable. Oh, I'm not complaining - I'm merely stating facts. It's my thing - let me do it.

You know, the last few days I've probably checked more cooking recipes than I've ever done in my life before. Everything looks delicious and then I somewhere along the way realise that I have to actually cook. That's when I usually die a bit inside. I probably could be a gourmet-chef. If I wanted to. But you know me - I don't want to. I could probably be an olympic sprinter aswell if I wanted to - but that requires effort. I don't like things that require effort.

Why does it feel like my brain is trying to escape through my nose and my lungs through my mouth? Don't they understand that they have to stay inside my body? They'll never make it out alive. I'll shoot them down and while they're begging me to spare their lives I'll tell them how much it pains me to have to do this. I'll tell them how good it was to be with them and then I'll laugh a sinister laughter (does that combo of words even work?) and kill them. All the time looking absolutely gorgeous of course.

Nerdiverse

There's something really annoying with having a cold in the middle of the summer. Like really really annoying. It's like fate's way of telling me that "no, it's much better for you if you just stay inside and don't do anything at all". Not that I do stuff usually, but you know... sometimes I actually want to.

So what about England this time? Was it better or worse? It was better. So. Much. Better. Of course, I've done enough travelling for a lifetime, but it was still better. Exceeded all expectations. Hazaa!