melting

I've always wondered how people can have eating disorders. How they can turn away from food like it's something contagious and it'll make them very very sick. Don't they understand that eating will make them feel better?

I've finally realised why they do it. I've known for years, of course, but never been able to understand it. Until now. You see, the first thing that happens to me when I don't feel well - even before I realise it myself - is that I loose my apetite. I sleep very much and I don't really get hungry. This has happened too much lately and it scares me. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to enjoy every meal like I used to. I want to be able to look forward to dinner and the smell and taste of food. But it's so hard when I can't feel the hunger, so now I'm forcing myself. You see, if I feel bad and don't eat then I'll feel bad because I don't eat so if I force myself to eat I might feel better. It's worth a try, right? I've already lost too much weight as it is, I think.