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When I don't sleep I can actually feel when my body starts to wear itself down. The intestines stop working, the brain can't make a proper connection between word and meaning and I have to remind myself that breathing is a good thing. I have to stop working shifts. I have to go abroad and live in a wooden house in the bush and grow my own vegetables and just be there. Of course I won't do that. I'm not going to sell my apartment and just move to another country "because I feel like it". I'm not going to quit my job and search for something else "because I'm slightly bored". I am, however, going to start courses to get a degree. What the degree will be in isn't really clear to me yet, but at least I'll have a piece of paper that tells people "yes, she studied at the university and she knows things she will never use".
I have no idea how it's going to turn out or if I'll even finish, but at least it's a step on the way. A step towards something different and yet so well-known. I loved school so much - I wonder if I still do that. If i get in I'll let you know.