Ah, the memories...

When I was a kid I wanted to be like all the "beautiful people". You know which I mean - the ones who enter a room and everyone in the room wants to talk to them, the ones who can get anyone they want, those who just brighten the world by being there. My sister belonged to those people. When we grew up everyone wanted to be with her - they all loved her.
Me... I was just the normal outcast who tried very hard not to be seen. If people didn't see me they wouldn't make fun of me and they didn't. They didn't even know who I was.
(We once went through the correct results to a mathematics test and when we got to the last question very few had answered correctly. One guy asked if anyone had actually gotten it right and our teacher said that yes, Anna got it right. He asked: "who's Anna?". We'd been in the same class for three years - talk about blending in with the wall.)
Of course, empathy problems doesn't really help the "I hate myself"-thing very much and skipping school didn't really make it much better. (Sometimes I wonder how I actually managed to pass.) To be honest I don't really remember much from the age of ten to sixteen. I recall some things and I know what others've told me, but it's just black mostly.
Things changed the year I started uhm, well I suppose "high school" will have to do. I got away from all the people I hadn't liked and got a chance to start again. No one would know who I was or what I came from and I could be exactly what I wanted. It was great. The class I ended up with was insane though and threats and yells were very common. I can't even remember how many times I left the classroom in protest against the others. After two years it became too much so I changed class. Of course there were morons there too and I stopped counting the times I told people to shut up so I could hear what the teacher said. I wasn't really liked - of course, that says more about the others than it does about me. Somehow I don't really blame these people, I met one of my best friends because of it, I am the one I am today because of it and I am where I am because of it - although the fact that they don't dare to meet my eyes when I run into them on the street does feel quite nice.
Okay, so I can't really say that I love where I am, because let's face it - I'm in a town with about 40000 people and it kinda feels like I'm stuck. I've been working in the same place on and off since 2005 and even though it's not the best place in the world, at least I'm good at my job. The thought of going there actually makes me smile in the morning.

Me: I don't wanna see Die Hard.
H1: We could watch another movie...
H2: NO! We're gonna see Die Hard!
Me: But it's so boooring...
H2: Yea, and in which context did you see it? Played WoW?
Me: No, I watched about 20 mins and then I got bored and THEN I started playing WoW.
H2: We're gonna see Die Hard. You were like this with a bunch of other stuff before too.
H1: Oh, the phone... this is my lifeline...
Me: Like what?
H2: Alien and lots of music we've played.
Me: Oh, so much other stuff...
H2: I think you love everything H1 suggests and hate everything I suggest on default. If I would come tomorrow and say that I've seen a great movie and then say the name in Swedish you'd hate it and if H1 would come the day after and love the same movie but say the English title you'd love it.
Me: Well, H1 has a taste more like mine - I mean, he has movies about talking typewriters. I see you like a person who watches actionmovies and stupid comedies.
H2: I have two shelves with movies. H1 has a whole room. Of course he has a broader taste than I have; I only buy movies I can watch again and again whereas he buys movies he can barely watch once.
Me: I still don't wanna see Die Hard.
H2: Have you seen The Green Mile? That's right up your alley; movies who bring you so deep down that you need drugs to get out of it.
Me: I happen to like Hotel Rwanda - it's a great movie.
H2: I think you have all those Disneymovies because you need to watch 20 of them when you've seen Hotel Rwanda.

My world is so full of love. Either I tell my co-workers that they're horny, shallow bastards or they tell me that no, they haven't seen Hotel Rwanda today either but would I like to see a documentary about how people slaughter baby seals?