Featherdusters

How can you tell if your brain is turning into mush? It is even possible to know before it's too late to stop the process? Can the brain get "dumber" over the years? Less sharp, less quick, more prone to just going "duuuh... I dunno..."? Is this the reason to the very strange behaviour we sometimes see in our parents - that their brains just aren't functioning as well as they once did? It's a bit scary to think about it, that sometime in the future my children will wonder if my brain is having trouble connecting. I will call them and ask about this new electrical device which isn't functioning the way the manual says it should. Yes, I have turned it on. What do you mean 'light'? There's no light there. I'm telling you, there's no light! Oh... it's underneath it... No, no it's not turned on. Thanks! Then I will hang up and try again. It has to work. Of course it will work. It's not working. Yes, I turned it on. What do you mean 'plugged in'? And so it will continue until the end of my days. I know, because I have these conversations with my parents on a daily basis.

Me: What's the problem with the laptop?
Dad: It's not working.
Me: Are you sure? It was working fine when I had it.
Dad: I get a welcome screen where I'm meant to put in a password, but when I type all I see are dots.
Me: Dad, it's meant to be that way - it's a safety thing if someone should look over your shoulder.
Dad: Oh, okay. Thanks!

I believe that anyone who work in customer support should be forced to work a day with their parents and teach them about computers. There is absolutely nothing more frustrating than explaining things over and over, but the joy when it works without any questions is lovely. Oh, I feel sorry for my future children... oh, so sorry...

Hidden pawprints!

There are things you can learn from going outside. Like how nice the sunlight feels after a day inside. Or how wonderful it can be when the world is all quiet around you. Not to mention how much you can learn from watching TV-shows. You'd be surprised over the amount of information hidden in those silly tv-programs. Of course, now I don't mean the really obvious stuff like watching a cooking show and finding out how to make a proper soup or how to fix a car. You see, lately I've been watching Charmed. It used to be better ten years ago, but it's entertaining enough to keep my interest. Some flashy lights here, a boom there. Not to mention all the magic and ah, how I like the magic.
Anyway, what this show has taught me is that if you work at the top of a company and wear a proper suit (or just look well dressed in general) then you're probably bad. As in devilishly bad. If you choose to wear a more bohemian style or a more miss-matched outfit, then you're probably incredibly good. One with the nature. Relaxed. That sort of thing. That does mean that you cannot wear a bra. Only bad people wear bras because only bad people care about how clothes fit.
This leads me onto another subject that I might've touched before, but it deserves to be brought to light again. Green mist. In Disneymovies (every single one I can think of and believe me - I can think of many) it's always bad. Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty appears in a puff of green smoke. The bad guys in The Black Cauldron give off a nasty, greenish glow and of course, poison has the colour of green.

So what have we learned today? If you want to be good you go commando, lay off the suit and don't aspire to anything. If you want to be bad you dress properly, make sure you can always get out a puff of green smoke for effect and you tell those dirty hippies to start wearing underwear!

eis bitte

Apparently I have "problems with grammar". Not problems meaning that I find it hard, but problems in terms of having to be absolutely perfect. Maybe it's just me, but I find that if I do write something, I want it to be as good as it can possibly be. I don't want the "meaning to come across anyway", I don't want people to "know what I mean", I want it to be clear. Yes, a lot of the things I write don't make sense, but if nothing else they're usually grammatically correct.
Okay, so maybe I have a teeny, tiny, little problem. It bugs me when people write "your" instead of "you are". It annoys me when they write "there" instead of "their" or "they're". It bugs me when people speak incorrectly and think that they are correct. It doesn't bug me when people use the wrong forms if I know that they can use the correct ones and do so.

I think I need help.

"Nazan mourns the death of Nazan."

When I was a child me and my friends used to go ice skating with down by the sea close to where I lived. I never referred to it as "sea" though, always "the lake". Don't ask me why, it was just one of those things and no, it was not a lake, it was the sea between Sweden and Denmark which, of course, is a rather small sea but a sea nonetheless. I always wore a helmet (like a good girl) and when we were tired of ice skating we used to take a break and drink hot chocolate while sitting on some padded thing to keep the cold off. I have no idea what this padded thing is in English, but in Swedish it's "sittunderlag" which I guess can be translated into "sitting underlay". Basically, put it on the ground and plant your ass on it. Then stay. Stay...
When I think back on it I realise that nature really is taking a toll for the worse. I remember one winter when the ice was a decimeter thick. That's quite a lot for being so far south (up north they drive cars across the lakes, I know, it's craziness). I don't think it's ever been that thick again, but I haven't really dared to try it either. There's something weird about growing up and realising again and again that "maybe it's not safe" and thus not wanting to do it. It's like buying your first insurance and going over different options. A part of you just dies of shame there and then. "What happened to you? You used to be cool." I guess that's why adults who do really weird things to feel alive again are just looked at as escaped mental patients by their children. It's not the same, you know. No matter if the children do the exact same thing or not, it's just not the same if their parents do it.
A part of me wants to be "the cool and hip mom". Another part wants to be the mother who always has a fresh batch of cookies from the oven or can whip up muffins in a heartbeat because the kids would love some zucchini/apple/banana/chocolatechip-stuff. A third part is looking at the workaholic and thinks "hrm, that might be me". One thing I know for sure though and that is that no matter what I'll do I will end up being embarassing. No matter how much I try not to, I will make my children wish I never had done that thing, whatever it is. That's why I've decided to be a really embarassing mother. Hug them extra long in front of their friends. Ask them if they want some cookies and soda when they bring their friends over. You know, all those things that are just... oh, my god, so embarassing! 'Cause you know what, if nothing else - at least I want to get some fun out of it!

Cangaroo jumps

Blue bloods. Kings and Queens. Leaders. The concept of royalty is a bit strange. I mean, it's a replica from a time when people who got bored with the King served him poisoned soup and then gathered a bunch of friends and stormed the castle. It would never happen today. Or rather, we just don't care enough. Maybe it has something to do with decreasing the influence the royalties have on our everyday life or maybe it's because they're just not that special anymore. Somehow they've been dragged off their pedestals and thrown inte the real world. A world of starvation, telephone bills and newspapers which write about the latest celebrity dog. We know that the royalties go to the toilet, cook noodles late at night when they're hungry and too lazy to call the kitchen, pick up the poo after their dogs every once in a while. It's nice to have it that way. To not feel that they're "above us" and that their word is law. Of course, they have immunity for their crimes and I think that one guy who threw a cake in the Swedish King's face got arrested, but at least he wouldn't have to be scared of a death penalty.

As a complete sidenote I have to bring up the spin articles can take once they're in print. The Swedish media said that the cake was no big deal and quoted the King with "well, it comes with the job". BBC said that it was treason and that the Queen helped the SÄPO (säkerhetspolisen = secret police) take the guy down and of course CNN also jumped on the treason-wagon. Maybe it's a Swedish thing, you know. This whole "not being that bothered".
Someone trying to be insulting: "Your sister is a whore!"
Swedish person: "Oh, I can see you've met her. Did you get along well?"

Anyway, back to the royalties. The Swedish Crown Princess had her first baby a few days ago. She and her man-from-the-commons-prince-dude got it on quickly and do you know what my first thought was? "Oh good, now the royal line is secured for a few more years." Seriously, that thought went through my head.
It's a bit silly, isn't it? In a world so very "equal" like ours - well depending on where you are of course - we still wait for them to get it on and produce offspring. All the other things they do don't really matter all that much in the long run if they run dry down there. It makes me feel sorry for Kate Middleton who married Prince William of England. Not only does she have Prince Charles for a father-in-law, she also knows that if she produces a child and it's a boy it'll be prone to baldness before the age of 30, big ears, reddish complexion and an uncle who thinks that going to a masquerade party with the theme "command and conquer" in a nazi-outfit is a good idea. You gotta hand it to the girl - that takes stomach. So what if she can't squeeze out a tiny one? Well, she'll be frowned upon of course. People will say that they "knew it all along" and that "she just didn't have it in her - you could see it". They of course she'll be shunned. Said to be the one who brought the house down. The throne? It will pass to Prince Harry and who knows? Maybe England will become a massive empire once again - if nothing else, Harry knows how it's done.

dry your eyes

There's a new meaning with my life. It was like God talking directly to me and telling me what I need to do before I die. I need to captain a spaceship. A big spaceship. Preferably a wooden ship with sails made to fly in space with a dome over to maintain breathable air. I could steal the pirate look with a big shirt with frilly arms, a black pair of pants and a fancy pair of boots. Oh, and of course, the hat. With the massive feather. Hrm, do pirates have feathers or is that just musketeers? Oh well, it's my ship so I can dress how I want. Feathers all around! Green of course.
The main reason I need a ship is because I would love to say that "this is my vessel". Just taste the word. "Vessel". I mean, how often do we use it in our daily speech? "Excuse me, good sir, but I have to withdraw to my vessel now - I am late for tea with the Queen, see." Ah, Brits, what would the world ever do without you?

It's a shame that I have my fear of space. That does complicate things a bit. Not a lot, but a little bit. I mean, I could fly my vessel (well not me, obviously, someone who's a lower rank) and stay just beneath the atmosphere, but I think that would make it more of an "airship" and less of a "spaceship". Not that an "airship" is a bad thing, but it just doesn't have the same power as "spaceship". It sort of sounds like "hot air baloon" which isn't at all what I'm going for. Hrm, this seems to get more and more complicated. I'll get back to you with new information as soon as I've acquired some.

apart

Sometimes when I'm really bored I amuse myself with thinking "what if". It usually starts with "what if I was insanely rich" and "what if I was flying away", but every now and then it moves onto "what if a male dog is feeling bad the day after because he humped a female the day before". "Oh, no, why did I do that? Now she has to think that I'm some sort of pervert. Ah, why didn't I just smell her bum?"
Yesterday me and Mr. English discussed the pros of working with plants instead of people.
"There's no aftermath if a plant should die. I can just chuck it in the bin and I don't have to face an inquiry from the plant's relatives wondering why I did what I did. It's like being a doctor but without all the ethics. I mean, if I graft a branch of an appletree onto something and check the result, no one will be angry. Should I do that with a human being though... Also, plants don't talk back, they don't tell you what they think is wrong with them because they read it online and it has to be that incredibly rare disease which has been extinct for 500 years."
It's a bit strange when you think about it really and apply human thoughts to something that is considered "less human", but it sure doesn't take the fun away. At least not in my opinion and isn't that what counts really?