sugar and spice

I have quite a lot of movies where people get married. And yes, it's true - every girl has her wedding mapped out in her head years before she get married. (Yes, that does include me too, believe it or not.) Since at least June 6th 2003 I've known which kind of cake I want my guests to have. A big one as a show and then a tiny one for each table. So why the exact date? It was the date that a) my best friend graduated from high school and b) the national day of Sweden and c) 23 years since my grandmother passed away. (Mostly I remember it because of reason a.) I was at my best friend's with her family to celebrate and her mother showed me the cake they had. It was beautiful and it looked so tasty and then she told me "of course, you can't have a piece - it's for everyone else". She was joking, of course, but I know I said something along the lines of "oh well, at least I'll get to have a whole cake for myself at my wedding".

I've never been to a wedding. My cousin got married some years ago, but me and my sister weren't invited. "They don't want children at the wedding." We were in our late teens at the point. Of course, it did result in me hating my relatives and my relatives never getting a chance to taste my weddingcake. HA!

Hrm, this entry made me get the craving for whipped cream and fruit. Damnit.

codified knowledge

For Nazan:

Granpa Simpson:

Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear.

It holds the answer to all the important questions.

In a weird way I'm looking forward to going up at 7:50am tomorrow. And at 7am on Saturday. Getting up early makes my head function, and at times I can even pretend to be really smart - bet you didn't see that one coming, now did you?

Vampire Diaries really sucks. I think I've seen four episodes by now and I'm still not sure what it's about. I'm not really interested either. So why watch? Well... the male lead doesn't look too shabby... Oh come on, don't pretend you're surprised. (As usual I still draw the line at Alfie - that movie's just mindnumbingly dull.)

Bloody Beliefs.

My friends think I'm whiny. My parents think I'm capable. To my sister I'm a safe haven. To myself I'm a failure.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Sometimes I wish I was a weaker person. Someone who would just tie the rope to the hook in the ceiling and just make the noose. It'd be so nice to just not care about anything anymore.

Believing in fate really sucks. "If it happens, it happens." The only way I'll kill myself is if I trip and fall really badly. Or if the train I'm on crash. Or if I get hit by a car. You get the point.

I'm like one of the fifteen year-old emo-kids now. No wonder my friends prefer not to speak to me. Can't say I blame them.

glue

Eye infection. Freaking fantastic.

butterscotch

I just walked home from the bus and every step I was afraid of getting attacked and raped. I'm not afraid of getting abused with violence or murdered, but I'm afraid of getting raped. It's kinda sick when a woman can't even walk in the dark without being afraid. I actually prefer to walk on a street that's competely dark, instead of one that has one light here, one light in ten yards and so on. And you know why? Because you see everything in that spot of light. Everything. And nothing just a few metres away. As opposed to when it's all dark.
Just to clarify things - I've never been attacked in any way - well, unless you count the guy who smacked my ass on June 6th 2003 when we were at a club. The closest thing I've ever come to being abused sexually was when my boyfriend wanted to have sex after a week of being an official couple. I said no, obviously, and he said "well, it's a first time for everyone at some point". It didn't really win his cause and he broke up with me three months later. (According to him it wasn't because of the sex-thing. Yea, right.)

Anyway, Sweden is suppose to be one of the most equal countries in the world. The people who say that ought to think of the lone woman late at night.

tear me down, build me up

Another day close to tears and another night of dog-dreaming. I don't think it's pms. I think this is how I am when I'm close to a nervous breakdown. Yesterday I realised my exam is on Monday, and not Tuesday as I thought, which gives me one less day to study on. Shouldn't be a problem right? I should've read it all by now anyway. And I have. It's just that I seriously can't answer the question...
You know, I checked the old exam again and guess what - I know the questions! OH MY GOD this is such a relief! Never, ever do things when you're tired. Oh this feels so good.

crazy

I'm always on the verge of crying lately. Yesterday when I was about to go to bed I almost started crying because I missed my dog. Then I dreamed about a mummy and got scared shitless and then I woke up and was about to cry some more because I missed my dog again. I'm not really sad and I don't think I have pms.
Maybe the exams that I must pass, the neighbour being a jerkwad and the weather makes me this way. Or maybe not.

New hottie on my list: Jason Statham. Oh. My. God.