anger management

Don't close your eyes

They may not open

What if they open

Would you be alive

I'm having lots of doubt with my education, although I seem to forget all that when there's something I find very interesting so I suppose it's just this course that bores me. Or maybe it's all that fucking groupwork we have to do. I really really hate other people's opinions. Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of the fact that other people are entitled to their right to an opinion, but aren't I entitled to my right to not have to hear it? Anyway, it'll be over soon, or at least - this course will be. Next stop - global economics! Hopefully that'll give me more than service manament and "smile to the customers".

Everyone falls

But not everyone rises

Why don't you get up

And rise again for me

Bad thing: having to meet people, who don't understand the value of communicating over the Internet, three hours before we have to meet.
Good thing: if I got attacked by a rapist I'd have enough rage in me to send him to the emergency room with several broken bodyparts.

What if the world

were a little more perfect

just stop crying or

would you take the leap

What if the world

were a little more perfect

Would you open your eyes

and blink again for me

confusion

I dreamt that I was a part of Swedish Top Model. My first photoshoot was horrible, but I got to go on another week, and then my dream drifted into something completely different as dreams often do. I have no idea what that was but all of a sudden someone told me "what are you so angry about - you passed again". My thoughts started spinning and I googled myself. For some reason an old picture from my sister's birthdayparty showed up, we're talking really old - like when she was three or something, and then the text "The friends couldn't for the love of god understand why Anna got to move on in the competition. She's as close to object number one in audience hate as you can come". After that picture and text I wondered what I'd done to be that hated, but then I woke up so I never got to know. So sad...

TURRON!

I have a luxury problem. I call it "luxury" because there are a lot of people in the world who can't sleep and who would give their right arm to be like me. The problem is that when I sleep more than eight or nine hours I get a terrible headache. Like a tension headache. And you know the way to get rid of it? More sleep! I hate sleeping, it's such a waste of a good day. Why whine about this now, then? Well... I kinda woke up 17 minutes ago (3:20pm) and it kinda sucks. I don't have a headache now though, god knows why, but I feel a bit cloudy in my head and I doubt that'll disappear during the evening.

My no-sugar isn't going well. I fell a while ago and I seem to keep falling. Yesterday my craving was insane - I didn't get anything though. I can do this. The sugar doesn't own me, I own the sugar.

It's October 28th 2009 today. That makes it less than one week left for my birthday. How did that happen? Time really slips away too fast. This means that I have 4 days left to do all the things I wanted to have done before I turned 25. Such a shame I can't remember any of them now...

virgin's tears

How does it feel to see someone that you know committed crimes against humanity go free? How does it feel to see that someone return to her homecountry and be cheered for, like a hero?

Biljana Plavsic is free. She served eleven years in a prison here in Sweden and now she can return home and blame the incident on someone else.
You know, I remember this war. It was the first war I was old enough to be affected by and I remember the scenes of people getting lined up - because they had the wrong religion or tradition. I remember reading about how people were forced to kill their pets before they got shot themselves. I remember learning the phrase "etnisk rensning" (ethnic cleansing) and I've never forgotten it. I don't think I ever will.

The release of this old, fragile woman makes me feel sick about being Swedish. I feel ashamed that one of the people who made the war possible got to serve eleven years in a prison, while the ones who lost relatives got a lifetime in sorrow. There aren't really any better words I can say, because every time I try to get them out I get a nasty taste in my mouth.

Don't stop me now!

I'm trying a new thing. It's no surprise that I've been less than fun lately so I figured that a different point-of-view might do the trick. Allow me to demonstrate.

My mobile phone made a noice at 4:30am this morning due to low battery. That's a bad thing. I turned it off and got back to sleep. That's a good thing.
Let me take another.
The weather's quite dull and grey. Boring. On the good side it means that I can sit here without feeling guilty for not being outside and enjoying the sunshine.
You get the point right? Pros and cons? I read somewhere that it takes a lot more energy to be upset than to be happy. So now I'm making a choice. For every con I'm trying to see a pro. It's kinda like the "what-if-principle" I had when I went to high school and I'm not sure if I've ever told anyone about this so I hope you feel damn special! Anyway, I was on top of the world whenever I was at home or at school, but on my way between the two there was always someone popular and beautiful, so I used to think "what if I was her". After thinking this I realised that yes, in my head this girl might be all that, but she probably has issues of her own. She doesn't know the people I do and doesn't have the experiences I have.
Believe it or not, but that actually helped. So every time I feel like shit or wish I was someone else, I just think the counter-what-if. Say I was rich and famous - that'd be a pro and I wouldn't mind it right now, but that'd also mean that people would go through my trash and try to photograph me in my underwear, preferably while I'm at the loo. That'd be a con.

To make this short: positive thoughts. Starting now. Ooo breakfast...

Freedom is an illusion.

I don't like knives. As in really don't like knives. I'm not too fond of my frying-pan either and between you and me - the fact that these two items are rather basic in a kitchen is a bit annoying. But of course you knew that. I think everyone knows it. It's a great ice-breaker at parties you know.

- So what do you do?
- I study at the university.
- Oh, and what do you do when you don't study?
- I hide from my frying-pan.

You have to admit it - if you don't have the attention by then you'll probably never get it.

This wasn't at all what I intended to write when I sat down here, but the mind works in mysterious way I suppose.

Oh my god...

Hallelujah moment: An episode of the Simpsons I've never seen.