Pourqoui?

Why do I get proud when I check my grades from high school? It's been 5 years since I graduated - why do I still care?

The Grim Reaper.

Translation of yesterday's Swedish gueststarring:

Tuesday January 24th 2006 8:19pm

Right now I have a fucking pain in my mouth, a damn craving for chocolate and my brain has a total meltdown. The first is because I went to the dentist earlier today, discovered a hole, fixed said hole and now I sit here and bleed from the gum and it hurts! I can do something about the second, but since I assume that I got the hole in my tooth because I keep cramming a lot of candy I thought I'd skip the chocolate. Besides, it doesn't feel all that funny to cram a lot of sweets when you just visited the dentist. Regarding the meltdown I don't really know why it came, but for some reason I can't even get a simple mathematical problem right and it annoys me so damn much that I don't really know what to do. (I hate it when I have to admit that I can't do it.) The positive side is that I can take the business economy tomorrow, that I can ask about the physics on the lesson tomorrow and that the new season of Desperate Housewives starts in 45 minutes. That's another thing that bothers me. I bought season 1 in England and now I thought about investing in season 2 from the States. The problem is then that you need a regionfree dvd so my parents bought me a dvd. When I asked if it was regionfree they said 'no, but you can fix that yourself' and then handed me a note with the address www.vcdhelp.com so of course I entered the site and thought 'here goes nothing'. Yes... Do i Have to mention that I sat there for ten minutes, cursed like a brush-binder* and went into my room and ate Brio*? No, I didn't think so either.

My Brio finished yesterday, so now there're only peppermint rocks left in the "box". The problem with not wanting to eat candy is that you don't want to eat the eight peppermint rocks that are left. Rock anyone?

/I'd love to do it, but the planets aren't in a phase right now.

* Curse like a brush-binder - old Swedish expression that means cursing very very much.

* Brio - Swedish candy in funny colours.

I dreamt that I was going to ride my bike around the world. Me and a friend made plans for it and all. We were going to go down to Africa, then cycle from the north down to South Africa and then cycle from there to Australia. Now remember, this was a dream so riding the bike on water was perfectly alright. And it was perfectly alright until this very minute when I realised that the perfect plan had a few flaws - dying on a bike in the water... I honestly have to say that I did not see that coming.

This dream did stir some old thoughts though - I do want to ride my bike down to the continent, but no one wants to do it with me and even though I see myself as terrifying, I kinda doubt that the horny truckdriver does at 3am at night.

That's my new goal by the way; to become terrifying. Now, I know that it won't ever happen since I'm 1,65mts and weigh about 50kgs so I made a plan B.

Plan B: To become so respected people will be afraid to let me down.

Between you and me, it's not going that well, but I won't give up hope!

Okay, I need something to eat - this is getting stupid.

memories...

Sugar. I keep eating sugar and I can't help wonder if I'll one day ruin my most precious smile. People tell me that "why do you worry - you're not fat", like being over-weight would be the only reason to stop cramming sweet stuff.
Anyway... I found the entry I wrote when I decided to stop the first time - I should write more in Swedish.

Tis 24 jan 2006 20:19
Just nu har jag jävligt ont i käften, är förbannat sugen på choklad och har fått total härdsmälta i hjärnan. Det förstnämnda beror på att jag var hos tandläkaren innan idag, upptäckte ett hål, lagade nämnda hål och nu sitter jag här och blöder från tandköttet och det gör ont! Det andra kan jag göra någonting åt, men eftersom jag antar att jag har fått hålet i tanden av att jag hela tiden tuggar i mig massa godis så tänkte jag att jag ska skita i chokladet. Dessutom känns det inte helt kul att kränga en massa godis när man precis har vart hos tandläkaren. Vad härdsmältan beträffar vet jag inte riktigt varför den kom, men av någon anledning så kan jag nu inte ens få rätt på en enkel impulsuträkning och det retar mig nåt så förbannat att jag inte riktigt vet vad jag ska göra. (Jag avskyr att behöva erkänna att jag inte kan.) Den positiva sidan är att jag kan ta företagsekonomin imorgon, att jag kan fråga om fysiken på morgondagens lektion och att den nya säsongen av "desperate housewives" börjar om 45 minuter. Det är för övrigt en annan sak som stör mig. Jag köpte säsong 1 i England och nu tänkte jag investera i säsong 2 från the Staterna. Problemet är då att man måste ha en regionsfri dvd så mina föräldrar köpte en dvd. När jag frågade om den var regionsfri sa de "nä, men det kan man fixa själv" och gav mig en lapp med adressen www.vcdhelp.com så givetvis gick jag in på sajten och tänkte att "nu, jävlar". Ja... Behöver jag nämna att jag satt i tio minuter, svor som en borstbindare och gick in på mitt rum och åt brio? Nä, jag trodde inte det heller.

Mina brio tog slut igår, så nu finns det bara polkagrisar kvar i "lådan". Problemet med att inte vilja äta godis är att man inte vill äta de åtta polkagrisar som är kvar. Gris någon?

/"Jag skulle gärna göra det, men planeterna är inte i fas just nu."

floating

Have you ever had a headache? The hard kind? The sort that just doesn't want to let go no matter what you do? Ever had a migraine? That soft pounding in the back of your head that just won't leave you alone? That grows and makes your eye-sight falter? Ever felt that? I have. You stop being a normal person and just want to lie down and close your eyes. It comes and goes - although lately I seem to have more headaches than usual. I'm not sure I like it.

I think I've started something I can't stop and if truth be told, I'm not actually sure I want to stop it. Maybe I should, maybe it would be for the best. Then again, I won't loose anything if I don't. At least I hope I won't.

The ultimate nerdiness. I've crossed that line before. Quite a few times actually. But this time... I ordered a book a while ago... Signed by the author, numbered, limited edition... A wow-lore-book. Yes, I've crossed the line before... but I doubt I'll ever make it back this time, because you see - I float away from reality and am not really mentally present anymore...

bottled up

I'm a day behind. I'm very well aware of the fact that it's Tuesday, but the date... I don't know why, but I was so certain it was the 6th of May today. Sometimes I wonder how I actually manage to get through a day - not because I hate it or anything, but because I'm so darn confused that I sometimes don't know where I am or what I do. It does have some good sides though - since I always amaze myself.

baby be brave

You know, I've been thinking. What is it that makes a look from one man okay when another is not okay? Does it depends on the man, the situation or the woman?

In my case a look from a hot guy my own age is totally okay, while a look from a man who's old enough to be my father isn't. A look from a less-hot guy my own age is less alright, but still not as wrong as the old man.
Then again, if Brad Pitt would give me one of those looks I wouldn't mind that he's old enough to be my father... So what's the difference? I suppose it comes down to the woman. What she feels is appropriate, what mood she's in and how much she appreciates the looks of the man who glances her way.

A glance from a man I see as "hot" makes me very happy, but a glance from a less-hot guy still makes me happy, so I suppose it all comes down to being noticed. It's nice to be noticed. Although sometimes you wish the father-figures could just notice their own kids instead. And I think I just ruined this entry there...

terrified to fail

I have a bruise on my right arm, by the wrist, and no idea where it comes from. It kinda hurts when I press it and it's brown, but I don't have the faintest idea why it's there.

Gorgeous. Amazing. Lovely. Great. That's what they all saw when they looked at me. Why didn't I see it?

I got accepted to my summercourse. Hooray!