Death is nothing but a new beginning.

In my hood

There's a boy

Making girls breathless

Serving tea down on 39th street

And today

Even though

It may seem hopeless

I’ll go down on my stumbling feet

And ask him out - oh yeah

And if tonight

Turns into this "perfect tonight"

Then have a little mercy on my soul

And if the moon

Just lights up his devilish smile

It's gonna take a lot of manners to stop me from this:

Steal his precious first-date kiss

I'm so ashamed

I am weak

What a big failure

Couldn't speak, couldn't feel my own tongue

I’m such a fool

What can I say?

But today - trust me!

I will do a little better this time

And ask him out again

And if tonight

Turns into this "perfect tonight"

Then have a little mercy on my soul

And if the moon

Just lights up his devilish smile

It's gonna take a lot of manners to stop me from this:

Steal his precious first can-only-give-it-to-someone-special kiss

And if tonight

Turns into this “perfect tonight”

Then have a little mercy on my soul

And if the moon

Just lights up his devilish smile

It's gonna take a lot of manners to stop me from this:

Steal his precious first-date kiss

In my hood

There's a boy

Making girls breathless

I got asked out once. It was my third year of high school and I was having lunch with my friends in the school cafeteria when one of the guys from one of the international science-classes approached and asked me out. Me, him and a bunch of other people from his class had played cards together (we did that so much back then) since we started high school, but the two of us had actually never really spoken to each.
He surprised me so much that I had to think it over. And I did. And I never got back to him. Girls are nasty when they're 18.

I don't think I've ever asked someone out - I've asked for numbers, but not an actual date. The thought of "no, but thanks for asking" scares me. I have some... problems with taking "no" for an answer and I wonder how much courage that poor boy had to summon to ask me out.

I might loose my job. I might not. I might find out today, I might not. I might move abroad if I loose it. I might not.

I don't like my job all the time. I don't like this apartment all the time. I don't like living in this country all the time. But I don't want to loose my job. I don't want to have to sell my apartment and move back to my parents. I don't want to have to take a job as a telemarketer wondering if people would like to change their telephone company and get a free phone. I don't want to take a student loan to be able to cover the loan and mortage and bills I have now.

But I will.

If I loose my job I'll apply for that loan and a 2-year program in hotel management. I have no hopes of ever finishing it, but I'd rather try that than move back home to my parents.

unnecessarily useless

1. I own two wrist-watches, but always forget to use them. The only other watches I have are the ones in my mobile phone and on my computers.
2. I like wearing skirts in the winter - it's warmer than jeans however weird that may sound.
3. I have a dream of opening a hotel and every now and then I yell out because I see the perfect building.
4. I don't believe people who say they've seen a ghost even though I belong to them.
5. The first time I realised boys were more than just boys was when I stood at a beach in Spain in the summer of 2000. It was great!
6. I'm terrible at easy math, but quite good with third-degree equations (x3).
7. I have a very good memory for numbers and almost never speed-dial.
8. I have four different pairs of flip-flops - all in different colours, of course. (Only bought one pair though.)
9. I hate pantyhoses with a passion.
10. It was more than ten years ago that I had meat on my breakfast sandwhich.
11. When I was 18 I tried out to join the army. I declined the position I was offered, but at least I tried.
12. I think going to the loo is one of the best things I can do.
13. Since I moved away from home my eating habits turn more and more towards fish than meat. I think it's lazyness - I don't know how to cook meat properly.
14. I don't like to talk on the phone and my mobile phone calls are always very short - when I talk I always have the phone on the left side of my head (I'm right-handed).
15. I've always been a very proportional person (a.k.a. "skinny") and every family gathering my relatives asked me if I had an eating disorder. When I said no they asked my family if I was telling the truth. I don't speak to my relatives today.
16. I don't like birthdays, but praise myself in being very good at finding the "perfect present".
17. I've only had one boyfriend, he bored me after the third date, the relationship lasted three months and we didn't have sex.
18. My family has a history of heart attacks, cancer, alcoholism and recently we found out that my mother's cousin has Alzheimer's. My grand-mother died from a heart attack at the age of 53 and so did my mother's older brother. One of her younger brothers died at the age of 44 for the same reason. I used to be terrified that my mother would pass the same way. (She's 60 today.)
19. I've been able to play poker since I was about five years old. (Not said I do it very well though.)
20. I don't like having my picture taken and always do very silly faces or smile very very big when it happens.
21. I was born with my ass first and had a major surgery when I was three. I haven't been to the hospital since then other than to accompany or speak to someone.
22. I dislike the police. Very very much.
23. I've never held a lighted cigarette.
24. I can't walk in high heeled-shoes - that doesn't stop me from buying them though.
25. I'm good at making polite conversations - I usually just don't care enough about the other person to bother and I don't like other people.

Something's wrong - got a feeling that I don't belong...

I was afraid of the dark when I was a kid. My dad used to check under the bed for me since my imagination always ran wild. Once I was assured that no, there was nothing under my bed tonight either I could sleep.
When I was about 14 I wasn't afraid of the possible creatures under my bed anymore. I was afraid of the images that haunted me when I tried to sleep. Puberty, emotions and the history lessons about the Second World War made me fear myself. I started reading much much more than I had before. Books have always been very dear to me, but they became an addiction. Not having anything to read made me annoyed. Not to mention that my brain would haunt me. It sounds kinda stupid - haunted by your own brain. Mentally broken by your thoughts. Destroyed by images you make up.

This was ten years ago and I have come a long way since then, but when it comes to addiction... I still have it. Since I started playing World of Warcraft it's more or less resting, but once in a while I stumble upon something that just pushes away everything and takes me in. I'm there now. The lorestories about Warcraft (the computergame that World of Warcraft is based upon) is breathtaking. It combines the history of the game I love so much with myth and it's so well-written that I want to cry out in joy. This book made me realise why I love World of Warcraft so much - I started for the fantasy, I stay for the lore and the myths.

I had forgotten how good it feels to disappear into a book. Not having to deal with thoughts, issues, people or problems - just the book.

You're so free, that's what everybody's telling me...

I've had a few mental orgasms in my days. You know the kind that just makes your brain go into "overload-mode" and you can't really breathe. Yes, of course I'm aware of the fact that normal orgasms does that to the brain aswell, but the first ones are just that - mental.

The first time was when I entered Waterstone's at Piccadilly in London. Five floors with books... I still get trouble breathing just by thinking about it. (It's not as impressive when I enter it now, but it's still a cool sight.)
The second time was December 25th 2005 - the first time ever that I saw The Phantom of the Opera. Having loved the musical since I was old enough to rummage through my parents' records and never living close enough to a theatre which shows it - the possibility of seeing it at the cinema was too good to pass up. I'm not sure if you've seen it - but when they start playing the music, that mighty amazing introduction, I cried. Wow.
In January 2006 I saw it again. This time for real - in London's West End. I was a bit disappointed that time - the female lead had a quite nasal voice. Still... The Phantom of the Opera.
Yesterday I saw it again in Copenhagen. This time it was in Danish and I thought I was going to be bothered by it, but I really wasn't. I understood it much better than I thought, and of course, having heard the music probably more than 1000 times all the songs were sung in English in my head anyway. I didn't cry when the intro came this time, but I had goosebumps all over my body. That was a clear mental orgasm.

I think there are three ways of looking at things; pessimist, optimist and fate.
The pessimist thinks that everything is gonna get fucked anyway so she doesn't really bother.
The optimist thinks that everything will turn out for the best no matter what so she doesn't really bother.
The one who believes in fate thinks that no matter what she does she'll end up where she is suppose to end up so she doesn't really bother.
Somehow I think I'm all of these at the moment.

"Dress as ugly as you can!" was the order for tonight's birthdayparty. Somehow all my ugly clothes vanished when I moved... The most ugly ones I have now are jeans with paint-stains and a big t-shirt and that really seems boring for a party. Gah, maybe I'll just go for a horrible 80's-look with a big ribbon in my hair, legwarmers, tights and a t-shirt in some hideous neon colour. My god, I hate the 80's.

Patented nano-technological brush.

This is what Nivea says about their new mascara. Seriously. I live so far from this world it really scares me sometimes.

cotton candy

Every now and then I think about becoming a stewardess. Not because I like flying or people, but because I absolutely love airports. Whenever this thought comes up I nicely tell myself what the stewardesses have to go through. (Mostly my talk involves long days in high heels and make-up - just that is enough to make me wanna do something completely different.) Just take a look at these rules that the Gulf Air has for theirs:

• All stewardesses must be between 20 and 30 years old.
• They have to be taller than 158 centimetres and their weight must be proportional to their length.
• During the education the ones who are considered "too fat" will be forced to loose weight.
• The weight is written into the contract to ensure that it will be possible to fire anyone who gains weight.
• The stewardesses are not allowed to have either children or partners while they work at the company.
• The company decides which haircolour the stewardesses shall have.
• You're not allowed to work at Gulf Air if you have visible birth marks or scars on your body.
• Before each flight the stewardesses are inspected. The one who doesn't live up to the rules for the looks will have to stay on the ground without salary.
• When the education is finished the employees are forced to work for at least a year.
• The one who wants to quit earlier will have to pay Gulf Air 10 000 dollars.

Imagine me, standing there for inspection and then being told that I'm too fat or that I have too little make-up on.
No, for the sake of the free world it's probably better than I'm not a stewardess. I think the last thing we need is one more mentally unstable woman on a revenge killing-spree.

The Phantom of the Opera in Copenhagen with my mother tonight. In Danish. WOO!

glassbowl

I'm gonna end up buying Watchmen, I just know it. It's been in my head all day and I just can't stop thinking about it. (And no, it's not about Jeffrey Dean Morgan or Dr. Manhattan's penis, believe it or not.) Just like V for Vendetta, which I still really don't like that much.
This means that everyone else was right about the movie and I was wrong. I'm actually dying a bit inside now.

sugarpills

An afternoon with insanity and nerdiness is wonderful. I'd forgotten how much I love it. To top it off with a movie at the cinema is really nice.

I've seen a lot of bad movies over the years. You know, the kind that just makes your mind drift until you don't really know what you're watching anymore. I've also seen a lot of movies because one of the leading roles were hot. Yes, I am that shallow and yes, it is almost always worth it. Not with Alfie though - no matter how hot Jude Law is, that movie will never be any good. (I've seen it twice and I have no idea how it ends.)
Watchmen. Superheroes going down. One really hot lead. To make a long story short: that was two hours and 45 minutes that I will never ever get back.
It's probably me though. I probably don't understand the wonderful deep in a movie like this. Me, who get happy just by seeing the sun shine. Sure, it had its' moments, but what I mostly thought was "yes it's ending! No, it isn't..."
I suppose I'm too naïve for this kind of movie. Or maybe I'll love it when I'm bitter. Or maybe I just can't take masked people seriously - let alone a tiger with horns (on the head). Or maybe I was just too tired to be able to grasp it and it will be better the second time, because I know, that no matter how much I dislike it, there will be a second time. Unfortunately there always is.