Objectify!

You know that woman the construction workers whistle at? Deep down inside she usually likes the attention.
You know that teenager who buys groceries and hears that she has "great jugs"? Deep down inside she usually wishes she didn't have breasts.
You know that male clerk in the shop? The girls who visits the shop more than usual are actually sexually harassing him.

When it is sexual harassment and when is it okay? When a man presses his penis against a woman then it's a clear sexual harassment (usually), everyone agrees with that. If a woman presses her breasts against a man then it's a clear sexual harassment too (usually), but men don't tend to press charges.
When a 60-year old man tells a 25-year old woman that she looks good then he's got a case of the old-man's-sickness and he's disgusting.
When a 60-year old woman tells a 25-year old man that he looks good then he usually just smiles and doesn't care.
Women want the same things men have - rights to vote, work, drive a car, study and so on and of course they should have it all. Everyone is equal.
Then again... Women don't want to be objectified. They don't want to be seen as "a great ass" or "gorgeous breasts". This insight doesn't stop them from objectifying men in the same way. That clerk in the shop? Wonderful smile. The construction worker? Great biceps. The delivery guy? Oh, what an ass!
Since when are women higher and better than men?

People like to gossip. Good gossip or bad gossip doesn't really matter, but they love doing it. H2 and I thought about this and came up with the idea to brighten the world of others at work. We figured that starting a rumour that we have something going on would be easy. Especially since we kept messing around last week and had a real gossip on the other side (other department - same workspace) and a real dreamteam this week with a horrible gossip (as a fill-in for H1) and her friend who hates me.
In true "being in love"-style I've dropped the sloppy t-shirts and sweatpants and worn proper clothing. (Getting into a pair of jeans you wanna cut up to be able to enter at 5:40am is not a very nice way to start the morning.) Of course we've also been a bit closer and sneaky and spoken very loudly about going to the movies together (were we of course failed to mention that we're going with H1 aswell).
Nothing has happened so far. We've been doing this a whole week and NOTHING. We have the three worst gossips and nothing. Well, at least nothing that we've heard of so far...

zoom

When I don't sleep I can actually feel when my body starts to wear itself down. The intestines stop working, the brain can't make a proper connection between word and meaning and I have to remind myself that breathing is a good thing. I have to stop working shifts. I have to go abroad and live in a wooden house in the bush and grow my own vegetables and just be there. Of course I won't do that. I'm not going to sell my apartment and just move to another country "because I feel like it". I'm not going to quit my job and search for something else "because I'm slightly bored". I am, however, going to start courses to get a degree. What the degree will be in isn't really clear to me yet, but at least I'll have a piece of paper that tells people "yes, she studied at the university and she knows things she will never use".
I have no idea how it's going to turn out or if I'll even finish, but at least it's a step on the way. A step towards something different and yet so well-known. I loved school so much - I wonder if I still do that. If i get in I'll let you know.

hot chocolate

Does money turn people on?
Not me. There's no money in the world who'd make me go into the hay with Bill Gates or Hugh Hefner. None-in-the-world. Ever.

The art of moving on.

I'm a dweller. I live in the past - not only my past, but centuries ago. I'm fully convinced that my life would be better if I didn't have any electronic equipment - although, it's quite funny how that insight comes when said electronic equipment decides to fail me.
To live in a wooden cabin in the woods with dirt floor and no running water is a dream for me. Several days to the nearest village, having to get my own food, no phones or computers or refridgerators... Then again, being me, I'd probably only last a day and make myself insane when night comes because I'd be sure I'd hear something outside. It'd probably be like The Blair Witch Project except that I'd be the witch and I'd be completely insane.

I love the idea about how everything makes me stronger. Every experience, thought and mistake adds something new to me. Of course, the problem with this is that I add things, but don't move away from the old mistakes. I can dwell over things that happened ten years ago (no wonder I have mental problems), which is a bit of a setback for my belief in fate.
I watched Royal Tenenbaums today and I realised something. The last time I saw it was when it was new - which was about six years ago - and then I got bored very fast and didn't see the whole movie. Now I think it's brilliant. If I would want my old life back, that'd mean that I wouldn't understand this movie and I'm fairly sure that if I would meet the version of myself from 2003 we wouldn't be able to understand each other. I think I've moved on. The thoughts are still there. The "what if?" is still there, but it doesn't feel like I'm living in the past. It feels pretty good.

Then let it be war upon you both!

Something woke me today. I don't really know what it was but I had the sun shining into my apartment and my neighbours playing really loud and bad music. Being the wonderful and understanding person that I am I decided that maybe I should just ignore them and enjoy some music of my own. God, I love musicals. Loud. I also love to stand on my balcony in the sunlight and just breathe. That love kinda dies a bit when I find a cigarettebutt there. I hate smokers. With passion.

There's something missing and I don't know what it is. It's a bit annoying.

home

I miss my old life.

the trick is to keep breathing

Why does it always end up with me feeling like I'm dying?