If a man does like you, however, he'll terrorise you in a friendly way and he'll also offer help if you ever need it for something. If a woman likes you she jokes and laughs and tries to catch your attention when she thinks you're not looking.
Women are insane creatures. I'm one of them and I still think so. If two pairs are out (two women and their husbands), the women can communicate by just using glances. It's a skill every woman have. I once red an entry by someone about how women use pauses at the exact right spots to let other women know that they were bugging them. A man wrote it and I translated it for you just now because I like you so much.
The most used language in the world own neither name nor dictionary. It cuts through all language barriers. I've made the discovery that women of all ages can speak it, and I reveal the little I know for men all over the world. This secret language is a strange combination of words, intonation, veiled raises of the eyebrows and wellplaced pauses that helps women to exchange insults in such a way that the man think they're complimenting each other. They can make the man think, that the woman they speak of, is a very dear friend, when they are really cutting her to pieces. It also helps them in social situations where opinions aren't always appreciated.
The hostess decides, for example, that it's time for everyone to start thinking about the refrain. The hostess might say: "Can't I get you another drink (pause) before (pause) you leave". The man does of course accept the offer about another drink, the woman knows that it's time to go home. And it was the pauses, placed on the exact right places, that did it. The pause is the key to say "not in a million years".
When Mrs. Svensson calls Mrs. Johansson and tells her that her four unmarried cousins just arrived from Lindesberg, and that she'd like to bring them to the coctailparty, Mrs. Johansson doesn't have to say "over my dead body". She just says "eh! (pause) yes, you can bring them (pause) with you". This is said with the careful usage of both pauses and intonation that makes Mrs. Svensson understand that if she ever wants an invitation again in her lifetime she'd better give the cousins a bottle of blackberry juice and leave them at home.
Another method that men often miss is the reverse meaning of a statement. How many men haven't been forced to sleep on the couch after having believed that their wives have really been serious when they've said that "I don't want anything on my birthday". This, gentlemen, is her old native tongue speaking in either English or Hindu. Its' true meaning is "I haven't seen you trying to sneak any parcels in. You'd just try and forget my birthday".
And all you men who thought that when a woman told another woman "oh, dear..." it meant that she was nice and motherly caring, when she's actually saying "Oh my Lord... are you really that stupid?". Beware to believe in a woman who carefully choses her words. For example, a woman who tells another woman "eh (pause) you look so cute" means about the same thing as if she asked her if she'd got dressed in the dark. The same goes for when a woman has just been caught by another, or caught in the act of making a social mistake. She answers something which means "oh (pause) my. Aren't you a strange one? Poor little me would never have thought about that".
And to make it all even more confusing for us poor men, the intonation can change the meaning of any word. Take the simple statement "I think she's very sympatic";
- a muffled way of saying it means that she's a real sourpuss.
- an aggressive intonation means that she's a slut.
- stressing the word "think" means that she's a mystery.
- stressing the word "very" and "sympathic" means that the woman has secrets.
Let's now make the problem even worse and let the same woman raise her left eyebrow when she says "I think she's very sympathic". This means that the latter mentioned woman has slept with all of the listening woman's husbands.
The principle seems to be that all women who take part in this kind of game never let the man know or even suspect what's going on. This means that a woman would never answer an insult about her clothing with something else than "but I like your dress too. My unmarried aunt actually had one just like it". While this hidden language really complicates things for the woman, it also have many obvious advantages. But for you men all I can say is, that if you think you'd like to learn it, start with sanskrit instead. You'll find it to be much easier to learn.
This is all very true, I know because I've done it countless times with my friends and every time the men present wondered what the hell we just said to each other.
Let me give you a simple lesson - men are assholes, women are witches. They both mean well, but somewhere along the line they tend to misunderstand each other quite a lot. Easy, clear, simple statements are usually the best way to communicate with the other side. A clear "I really don't like you" is much better than "you're an idiot". This will, of course, be a bit tricky if the person you don't really like decides to annoy you and answer "yes you do" in which case it won't really matter what you say.
You know what... Let's just be quiet and show with actions if we like each other or not. A simple raising of the middle finger to someone usually means "I really don't like you" whereas a hug generally means the opposite.
