stars

Something is wrong.

!

I AM THROUGH WITH THE APOLOGISING!

Morons everywhere.

There's a person on my roof. I have no idea why he's there, but apparently he's walking. On my roof. That's a bit weird.

When I got up this morning there were one ambulance and two police cars outside my window and the first thought that springs to mind is "what have I done now?". After realising that they're not here for me, I wondered if my house were on fire and looked around. "No, the apartment seems rather unharmed." So no fire. And not me. What a wonderful opportunity to combine curiousity with business - I need to buy food and I have to find out why there's so many people outside my window.
And here I am now. And there's a person on my roof. I've been on a roof once. It's not all that it's cracked up to be, really. Of course this was the roof of a house with only one floor - but you get the point, right?
Oh, new info - apparently the roofman was high as hell according to the ambulance people. Well, I suppose that explains it. Jeez... See - this is why I don't do drugs.

Exhale.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am shallow. Men usually get the blame for being shallow, but women are the same. I am almost 100% sure that every woman on the planet scan a new man and decide if she'd 'do him' within the first five seconds of their first meeting. Fine, the first ten seconds then.

January 23rd 2004:
"Imagine if you could change who you are. Change your whole persona and become someone else. Today that's actually not impossible. You can already get new fingerprints, new personal security number, change hair colour, eye colour etc. You can change your length, distort your voice or operate your face so that you don't look like yourself. Maybe you should take it one step further? Change your blood type or extraction. Or maybe you should just be happy with being the one you are? Happy about not being like everyone else without that extra something that makes you different? Do you really want to be perfect? I don't. I'm proud of my flaws. Even if I'm ashamed to admit it I would, if I had a child today, belong to the kind of poeple who would exclude certain possibilities. How would I exclude there? Well, with a certain kind of genetic engineering. It's possible to see, already before the baby is born, if it has some kind of damage, what gender it has, if it's more than one and so on... The question is only if you really want to know all this. Aren't you suppose to be surprised at birth and love your child no matter what it looks like?
Don't believe that I think genetic engineering is bad, because I don't - at least not in all areas. Research on stem cells that can help patients who suffer from haemophilia is very good, so is reasearch that helps people in suffering, for example HIV-infected. Research used to grow big tomatoes and other berries and vegetables does feel a bit pointless. So does cloning. I think you should let nature deal with that, like it does with for example potatoes, and not interfere.
No, let everything have its' due course. Although, you can change a little... Just a little..."

Did you know that it used to be fashionable to smoke? Doctors used to order 'a pack à day' - they even have commercials about it. That was about 70 years ago though. It's not really fashionable anymore. I think smoking is mostly seen as disgusting and a smoker is seen as someone who destroys him-/herself and the surroundings.
In the 16th century people used white powder on their faces. You've probably seen the pictures. Being pale showed that you were rich enough to stay out of the sun. Only workers got tanned. The white powder contained led, which was not only poisonous, but also irritated the skin and made it red. So what did they do? More white powder of course. I'm sure you laugh now, but think of all the people who have powder in their faces today. Oh sure 'it's tested', but you can never be sure. You can never know that in long-term it won't do damage.

January 28th 2006:
"I realised something when I brushed my teeth just now. People complain about today's ideals of the the 'beautiful person'; you're suppose to be tall, good-looking and have that extra special something. Reason number 1 to why people complain about this is that it's not a real ideal. Most people aren't tall, beautiful and grand and they don't have size 2 in clothes. The people who do are called 'models'. The thing about models are that they don't last very long in their business. Gotta be boring to be out after just a few years, well, if you don't become super-good. You know, get on covers, get booked for shows etc. etc. etc. into infinity. The fun thing about models are that it's the regular people who do something of them. Sure, they have to be 'discovered' by someone, but we're still the ones to decide. Let me take an example. Assume that an incredibly beautiful girl/boy walks somewhere. An agent sees this person and before she/he knows it, she/he is booked for a runway show and on the cover to a big fashion magazine's February number. Assume that the number sells incredibly bad. Bye bye model. With this I'm just trying to say, say - not defend, that today's regular people, you and me, really accept this sick, thin, strange ideal because we choose to buy the magazine. Did you know, by the way, that it in the old days was considered beautiful for a man to have a big stomache? It showed that he had welfare and wealth. If a woman had wide hips and break in the skin just where the stomache ends she was considered attractive, since it showed that she was good with producing babies. The world has come a long way since then some people say. I am not one of them.
/'New Maybelline Mascara - opens your eyes.' Yeah... maybe I should just stop closing them?"

Women shave everywhere and for who? Most of them claim that it's for themselves, but is it really? 'It's fresher without hair'. Says who? You? Why do you say that? The hair is there for a reason. A few thousand years ago you were completely covered in it. Would you have shaved yourself then too?

I suppose the only thing that never really got out of fashion are white teeth. A toothbrush and some toothpaste and I'm set for life. I think I'm gonna keep to that. That way I'll still be fashionable in a hundred years.

Bombshell.

No man, no madness

Though their sad power may prevail

Can possess, conquer, my country's heart

They rise to fail

She is eternal

Long before nations' lines were drawn

When no flags flew, when no armies stood

My land was born

And you ask me why I love her

Through wars, death and despair

She is the constant

We who don't care

And you wonder will I leave her -- but how?

I cross over borders but I'm still there now

How can I leave her?

Where would I start?

Let man's petty nations tear themselves apart

My land's only borders lie around my heart

Imagine standing on a scene in some country god forgot and just sing a number like this at the very top of your lungs.

You enter the stage and the audience is completely silent - you smell their expectation. The lights blind you, but the adrenaline is intoxicating and you don't really mind. The music starts and you start singing. While the song last it's all about the music. The tunes, the words, the feeling they bring to you.

I'd love to be in a musical. Of course, seeing as I can't sing so other people like it, being in a musical isn't really an option for me. Dancing is, I suppose, but I want it all. All or nothing - I've always been like that. Ah, and I suppose my extremely poor acting talents would keep me away too. I actually thought I was pretty good at acting and then in 2005 I saw myself in As You Like It. It wasn't good. It was rather painful to watch - but that might've been because it was me. (My English was great though, so I suppose that's always something.) Great or not, it was fun anyway and I did get the most pathetic part of them all - which was my only request. Hrm, I think I lost myself here...

Ah right - singing is fun! People really should do it more often. I'm gonna do it more often. I'm gonna end this year with one big fat ballad at the top of my lugns. Put the crystal away! My singing's here to stay!

Hedonism.

I just discovered a bruise. Right below my right knee. I can't really say it comes as a surprise to me seeing as I always tend to talk into something or drop things, but it doesn't hurt and it's kinda green. And I can't for the love of god remember what I've done to 'cause it. I'm sure more bruises will turn up when I take my yearly Christmas shower - they usually do. Sometimes I think I'm gonna end up like one of those women who always say "Oh no, I fell down the stairs, silly really", but in my case it'd actually be true. And then I would of course live with a man who everyone sees as a "bit violent - especially after drinking" and one day the neighbours would call the police because I'm screaming and the police would come and I would open the door and be full of bruises and nasty cuts and they would question my man, who would deny it of course, and then they'd question me "we had a call about domestic violence, m'am" and I'd deny everything of course because it just isn't true. I walked into the doorframe. That's why my eye is all blue and swollen. And the cut on my arm? I slipped with the knife. What? Why I'm limping? Well, you see, we have these rabbitholes in the backyard and I stepped in one of those and twisted my ancle. And the police would take the neighbours' word that "something ain't right in there" and take my man away. Then he'd be killed in jail since men who beat women don't last long in there and I'd be all alone. Of course... I would have a lot of money... and I can always put those eight kids in an orphanary... I'll get back to you on this.

It's Christmas Eve today! It's the big day here in Sweden - someone got it wrong ages ago so now the 24th is what it's all about. The 24th is also the day that a lot of people get their last Christmaspresents. Between you and me - I really understand why this is also that time of year when the suiciderate goes way up. The pressure, the darkness, the pain - I totally get it.
Anyway, for me Christmas isn't about gifts. It's about the food! Wonderful, glorious food filling a whole table and smelling and looking delicious. (I have a secret love for egg-halves, god knows why, but I just love them! Only at Christmas though - not really that fond of eggs anymore.) It's also about love and joy and even though this has been the worst year so far (karma better have something really good stored for me) I can still feel the spirit. The happiness is just... wow.

Now... where the fuck did I put that DVD I was suppose to give my sister...?

The art of being angry.

Ever been really angry? You know the cartoons where the blood boils inside and steam comes through the ears? Ever been that angry?
Did you know that being angry takes up at least twice as much energy and muscle work as being happy? I read that somewhere ages ago - I tend to read stuff and then just save them to use against people every now and then. Somehow you'd think that would stop people from being angry, but that's not really the case. When something annoys us by going against us, whether it's tasks or people, we respond by being annoyed. If the annoyance goes on long enough it usually ends in anger. Of course, there are also times when the annoyance is so strong in the beginning that it just starts with anger. A part of me wonders what would've happen if Hitler hadn't been refused by the painting school he wanted to attend. Maybe things would've turned out differently, maybe not. One can't help thinking that maybe that event triggered some anger that didn't come out the right way. Or maybe he was just a ball of pure evil. I'm loosing myself in my head now. Anyway...
I think it's really imortant to be angry. To be annoyed and then just keep it inside (I'm Swedish - it's what we do, remember?) won't help. It'll just build up and then you'll burst at the wrong people. I dwelled in anger yesterday. At 11am I was so pissed off that everything I said was through gritted teeth. Why? Some stupid little annoyance at 7:30am that just kept on building up. At 12:30 I started laughing really hard over a silly joke and once you've laughed like that it's hard to remember why you wanted to be angry.

In one of our Swedish newspapers there's usually a very strange article every day. We have it as our thing here at work to find the "article of today" and I thought I should share that with you - if nothing else it might bring you some joy for a minute or two.

Lifeless when it doesn't get attention, but hard and ready when you take it in your hand.
No, you're not at the wrong site. We're still talking stuff.
It's about the new Panasonic remote control in a gelmaterial that sort of gets "life" when touched.
Salvador Dali probably smiles in his heaven about this thing that pulses weakly where it's carelessly thrown over a book, shaped after the surface.

The idea to this concept remote is described as a try to "give life to every day items that are just dead when they're not used. We want to try and change the veiw of these lifeless items". And of course the thoughts wander to something completely different than a remote control when you take it in your hand. Then it's activated and the gelmaterial becomes hard.
The remote control has earlier been shown at the exhibition "Haptic" at The Lighthouse, the centre for architecture and design in Glasgow, Scotland, where it caught attention.
The question is only if it goes into production and in which stores it will be sold - at the tv-shops or where adult toys are sold.



I need one of these. Enough said.