Prisonthoughts.

May 7th 2003 I got the question if I saw myself as a person who had problem with authorities. The reason I got the question was because I said that I never had to live by any rules while living with my parents, and that I believed that people who grow up without rules are less tempted to break them. I still stand by that today. If you grow up somewhere where you have a specific bed-time, are not allowed to try things out and have to do this and that you'll be more tempted to try out the "forbidden".

This is one of the main reasons I never had a longing to go to China. There you're not allowed to do whatever you want - be careful what you say and what you do. People say that it's a beautiful country and I'm sure they're right, but I am me and knowing me, I'd probably say something I really shouldn't say. Then I'd end up in a Chinese jail where people touch me too much and too often and at the dawn I'd be shot.
I never felt a will to see the United States either really. Sure, there are monuments that'd be really cool to see, but I can't really say I actually WANT to see the country. (Except Alaska and Hawaii, but they're excluded.) That probably depends more on the people than on the country, but then again - it's the same with China. The people make it creepy.

I wonder if Sweden's gonna be the same once the FRA-law starts working. (FRA stands for Försvarets Radioanstalt which I suppose is similar to any kind of surveillance agency that is working "for nation's security".) The FRA-peeps want to read everything I send to someone outside of Sweden to see if anything in there is a threat to the nation. Okay... let me think... I critisise, I think, I tell people they suck, I think the goverment suck, I think the Swedish law-system sucks... The list goes on and on. Let's be reasonable here. Sweden is a country with about 9 million inhabitants. We don't have oil like Norway, our national resources are nothing compared to Finland, the Baltic countries are cheaper to hire, Germany is closer to the continent and Denmark is a lot flatter. So why would anything threat Sweden? Because the people are great? Because we don't have any poverty? Because crime is none-existant?

You know... maybe it's just me, but I really think people should have more cake. Hungry people ---> unhappy people ---> war ---> suffering ---> death. Cake ---> content people --- happiness. Happy people don't feel a need to stalk others.

Spidde - soon from a Swedish prison.

Jeez, this is only getting worse, haha.

You know... lately I've realised a bunch of stuff and seeing as I am the kind of person I am, I'm gonna make a list of it. (I know - but I just really love lists for some reason.)

• My life doesn't suck in terms of success. I have a job, I get paid, I have an apartment which I own and can afford and I don't have to go hungry.
• Fate is there, but it's not going to knock on my door and tell me what to do. That is up to me.
• I will never grow old in Sweden. (Not that that's anything new though.)

I love the bananapeel-effect. I've said it millions times before, but I really do love it. All the good things in life happen because of it.
To make a short example: If I hadn't applied for my job, I wouldn't have met my co-workers and now great friends and I would never have started playing WoW and met all those wonderful people. Not sure that's a good thing though... ;-) I could make that peel-effect much, much longer but I don't want to make too much confusion just yet.

Damnit, I really need to fix my old posts...

*cough*

IT'S BACK!!!

There was a poor girl named Anne,

whose boyfriend got caught in a fan.

When Annie found out,

she let out a shout,

and now her boyfriend's a castrate, poor man.

YEAH BABY!

Pleasure and pain.

"Love is any of a number of emotion and experiences related to a sense of strong affection.

The word 'love' can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my girlfriend"). This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep,

ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person."

Quite a good explanation of love. A bit clinical, of course, but still quite good. (Stole it from Wikipedia.) I suppose it mention the pleasure and the pain of it somewhere in there, but I'm not really sure this is how I would describe it. Probably just something like "yeah... so love sucks - stay out of it for your own good".

Maybe it's just me, but do you ever get the feeling that the world would be a better place without love? I mean, just a clinical world with logical decisions free from emotion? No wars because people would realise they're illogical, no pain because people wouldn't have any feelings, no more people because no one would roll around in the sack.

Then again... no looking at the sky and be happy just because the weather's nice. No sadness when bad things happen. No anger when things go wrong.

Maybe the world would be a happier place if people loved more? Maybe I would be a happier person if I loved someone?
Then again... maybe I wouldn't. Maybe it would just end in pain and tears and bitterness... Is really is a shame that there's only one way to find out...

The iceage will come again. Remember who told you first.

I believe in a lot of things. Fate, peace on earth, equality between men and women, that the world will one day end up in a giant pile of ice... The list goes on and on.
Of course I know that some of these things will never happen, mainly because people are so very different from each other and as long as they want different things, they'll strive to get it. I also know that Jesus can't possibly have been white, beauty is a matter of opinion and there is no possible way a person can survive without food.
Once saw a documentary about airterians which was quite funny. The conversation in it went something like this:
AT: - We live of the air and survive like the plants does.
Reporter: But you're eating potatoes?
AT: We don't need to eat it - we eat it because it tastes so good.
Reporter: Do you eat it every day?
AT: No, some days we eat rice cakes.
Reporter: So you still eat every day?
AT: Only because it tastes so good - not because we have to.
That documentary ended with the sentence 'People have managed this diet and way of life. For about 3 months, then they died'. I can't imagine why...

Anyway... I completely lost myself here... ehm... damnit... Oh right! I was gonna tell you about this lovely country I live in called 'Sweden'.
A lot of Swedes refer to it as "la-la-land" - the country of never making trouble, never telling your opinion, always make a good impression. You know that filthy word... 'neutral'. (Just thinking about it gives me the creeps.) Other people might see us as 'cold' and 'unfriendly', but we're really not. We just dont' want to get close to you because we might catch something. (There was something in the air that night...) If you ever want to piss of a Swede - just be honest and stand close. The personal space is a big matter to a lot of us and a general guiderule is that it's about 1sqm. (Just imagine the Swede in a giant cube made of plexiglass and you'll do fine.) If anyone dares to enter that space we'll get incredibly uncomfortable. Not that we'll tell you, but you might notice us become a bit stiffer and the temperature drop a few degrees.
The lovely thing about having a job here in la-la-land, is that you will know that people speak behind your back. The only way you will actually hear critisism about your job or behaviour is either from your friends or from your boss. Never from your co-workers. This leads me to my point - apparently me and my workfriends are too loud and surf the web too much. How do we know? Because someone in the other department we share workspace with told her boss. Who of course told our boss. Who of course told us. Apparently it bugs people that we surf the internet when we don't have anything to do and apparently our choice of music is bad and speaking to people via a computer is synonymous with creating a ritual to bring forth the Devil. Why can't people just mind their own damn business? You know what the worst part here is? We know who complained about us and it has nothing to do with how we do our job. No one ever complains about that. No, what they tell us (between the lines of course) is that work should not be fun. I hope I never become like them. Waking up in the morning, going to a job just because you 'have to'. I wonder how much you have to dislike yourself if you keep doing that...
One thing is sure though - we won't stop doing our thing, because we do it damn well and if someone snaps... oh well... let's just say that it's a sacrifice we're willing to make...

Icetraps and glasscubes.

Apparently it's no longer allowed to climb and/or jump from high building in New York City. This is not to stop adventureseeking people from - and hang on now - falling to their deaths, but to stop unnecessary use of rescue services and such. Of course... if you start climbing up a building or jump from one, then you probably have some sort of deathwish anyway...

Where was I? Oh right. The Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has made an exception to this law though for the "break-out artist" David Blaine. For 60 hours he's going to hang upside down over a skating rink in Central Park. 60 hours. Upside down.

It might just be me... but hanging upside down for 60 hours doesn't really seem like that much fun. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to jump of a building actually, but 60 hours upside down... There is no way I could manage that and still be alive afterwards.

Blaine has earlier spent 72 hours trapped in ice and 44 days without food in a cube made of plexiglass, so maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not tough enough. Or maybe my levels of serotonin are high enough to give me joy without killing myself in the process. Because between you and me - I'm rather happy standing with both my two feet on the ground. ;-)

I never was any good with headlines...

Austin Powers once said 'I've lost my mojo'. That's how I feel now - I haven't written anything for months and if someone ask me I can't even come up with something clever to write on a birthday card. I used to have so many words and sentences in my head and lately I can't print them down. It's quite terrifying actually... maybe it doesn't seem that important - so she can't write stupid stuff, so what? - but to me it is. Writing is the only thing I've ever known that I excelled in. With the risk of sounding very ego - the only thing I knew my friends would never beat me at. The ability to take a stand for something and then twist it so much you can't tell if I'm pro or con. To be able to come up with a rhyme in 2 minutes, to make up completely mental stories that no one would believe even if I had pictures of them (not that I've done that though :-D).

Maybe writing is like everything else - you have to work on it to keep it, and if you don't it'll fade away. Maybe I should just start writing nonsense in here that no one'll ever read, like I did years ago somewhere else. Not sure it's the solution to my problem, but it might be a little help on the way...