You have to be there

It's hard to ask for help. I never realised how hard it was until I got down into the shit myself. I mean, if you're happy then you know that it's okay to ask someone taller than you to pick down that jar of pickles in the store because you simply can't reach. When you're down you won't ask. Asking will be admitting that there's yet another thing you can't do on your own so you'll just leave it. You'll know that you really needed that jar of pickles and you'll curse yourself because you didn't ask someone to take it down for you, but you won't go back. You won't ask. You'll leave it and hope that it magically finds its way to your hand. Asking is admitting defeat. Asking is admitting that you're weak. Asking shows others that you can't make it by yourself.

In 2009 when I took leave of absense from work to study I got really down. I made up excuses not to go to school and stayed at home on my couch watching Twilight over and over. (Because a vampire would surely come and find me and take me away... Yea, right.) It wasn't until I started talking to one of my friends that I started going outside the apartment. He didn't feel well either so we started having a quiz-thing via text messages. That quiz-thing lasted for days. If we didn't go to our respective things we had to explain why and endure the torment. It was worth it, beause it made me go outside and meet people and ask for help. It made me admit to myself that I couldn't make it on my own right now. And you know what? People were incredibly helpful without judging. Without telling me that I couldn't do it on my own.


This is entry number 500. Have a little ginger kitten.