Sunshine and daisies.

"January 27th 2006 9:53pm:
Have you ever had an anxiety attack? Imagine in that case that you don't know why it happens to you and that no one you know get anything like it. None of your friends have insane sleeping disorders, they don't make their stomaches hurt, they don't have trouble breathing. Imagine that you've had the attacks since you were about 14 years old and that you're 21 now. That's 7 years. When you're 18 you study psychology because you find it interesting and realise that you're having anxiety attacks. Not that the knowledge makes it better or worse, but it's quite nice to see what happens to you written down in a book. You get some clean months and then you can't take it anymore so you speak to someone to find out if you're insane. You're not. You're not alone either. You're just empathic. A lot of compassion. You leave and feel that now when you know what it means and why it happens you'll get rid of it. Yes, I thought so too. Then I realised that you'll never be free from it - you just have to choose how you want to live your life. You have to choose what you watch on TV, read in books and magazines, hear from others. The positive thing about this is that you know how to prevent it. The negative is that if you, like I did yesterday, push an attack away it'll still bubble. It feels like there are rocks in my stomache that pulls all of me down and why? Because I saw a movie yesterday. A movie, that, even if it's inspired by reality, still is made-up. I knew that I shouldn't have seen it, I knew it, but I really wanted to because I thought it was interesting. Now I only have myself to blame. That's probably the worst part. You can't be curious because it'll come back to you in such a way that you wish you were dead."

I think I grew out of this as well. Either that or I just keep myself awake too long to care about anything but sleep...