80's riff

Throughout the ages there's always been talk about who's a foreigner and who's not. Some people have made more of a deal of it than others, but it's always been there, lurking in the background. So, I suggest a solution to this problem. First of all I would like to say that there is at least one way to find out which language a woman speak as her first language. You see, no matter how excellent she is in speaking, say English, and no matter how much she convinces you that she is from England - if she gets knocked up and give birth to a baby, she'll scream at the top of her lungs. In her first language. It's true. That's how they caught Mata Hari. (If you don't know who that is I suggest you go and check it right now! NOW!) She slept with one of Hitler's boys and gave birth to a baby nine months later - while she blew the cover she'd had for years.
If you don't feel like either knocking someone up, or be knocked up, and wait for nine months I here suggest another idea. Let's bring the prejudice back. Let it be stamped in passports, let it be national traits which are wellknown. Let me exemplify.

You have a person who claims to be Swedish. Well, you put him/her in a grocerystore with a few groceries. Tell the person to go and pay for it and then you have someone cut in line right in front of the Swedish person. Now, if the person who claims to be Swedish reacts and tells the line-cutter off, then it's obviously not a Swedish person. We just don't do that. We mutter in anger.

Let me take another example. Let's take a person who claims to be English. We put him in front of a TV in a pub when there's a game going on with the team he says he supports. Then we also put another person in there who supports the other team. If a fight doesn't break out, he's not English.

Still not with me? Let's take a final example then. An Irish fellow. That's what he says anyway. Let's leave him alone in a room with a pint of beer for an hour. If the pint isn't finished when we get back - well, he's obviously not Irish, is he?