goo

My last day of paintworld is tomorrow. On and off for four years I've been there and now I won't be anymore. Feels a bit strange, but I'm so excited about doing something else that I think it'll pass in no time.

Since it's tradition to bring a treat on your last day I'm baking one of my gooey chocolate cakes and to it I'll "serve" vanilla icecream and blackberries. I made it big since there are a lot of people I semi-like at the company.

This is 9dl sugar. 9! It took up almost half of the freaking bowl! Insane.

And this is what gooey chocolate cake looks like when it's full of sugar and poured into the glassthingy - ready for the oven!

Okay, so this isn't the best entry I've ever written, but I just had to show the sugar!

apes in the jungle

Nine entries except this one. That's all I've written in August. Nine entries. I suppose the reason they're so few is because I don't have the energy to write any more pick-me-up-you-can-do-it-you're-the-best-entries and since I don't seem to have anything else to say at the moment I just don't write anything.

"Reclaim" with "AFA" (AntiFascistic Action or however one would translate it) in the lead were out Saturday evening to "reclaim Rosengård". That's "Rosegarden" if you're not Swedish - no, not granny Elsie's garden, but a district with a lot of problems (imagine rough neighbourhoods in the US and you're kinda close). The funny thing here isn't that Reclaim are morons or that AFA are a bunch of apes who should worry more about their future jobs than breaking the law, no the funny thing is that none of the people who actually inhabit Rosegarden wanted them there. They got driven out of the area by a few middle-aged men. They came back of course and ruined things because that's what they do when mommy and daddy tell them that no, you can't have one more bowl of ice-cream. Crushed windows for store-owners and throwing stones at the police and such. The worst part here is that people like me get incredibly prejudice against the inhabitants due to actions like this one. We are prejudice before, but this makes it alright somehow. This makes it possible for us to say "I told you so, it's just a bunch of idiots who live there" and it's not their fault. They didn't ask for it. They don't want the morons who "stand up for their opinion", but cover their faces and don't want to be in pictures. They don't want the destruction. They just want their life to be nice and quiet.

stardust

I'm back! It was hard there for a few seconds, but I know that this is the right decision to make.

One of my co-workers is a smoker. She's 28, has two children, is married and is a smoker. She recently came back from Macedonia (Former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia which you have to say if you give them points in the Eurovision Song Contest) and she's coughing. Imagine the worst smoke-cough you know - it's like that, except the blood. She's not really there yet.
Me, H1 and H2 reacted and told her to quit so she doesn't harm herself anymore and she gave the standard answer "I'll quit when the cigarettes I bought are finished". Poor addicted woman. This actually isn't the worst part though. The worst part is that the bitch (you know the bitch) tells her that "you can die from so many things - why worry about smoking? My mother-in-law has smoked since she was 15 and when she went to the hospital for a yearly check-up they told her that her lungs was in perfect shape and that there was no way she could be a smoker." Is there any need to say that we went ballistic? H1 called her "fucking stupid" and me and H2 just sat quiet - not really knowing what we actually heard. Since the bitch can't take any critisism she went home from work two hours later. And stayed home the next day. And the next. She was back today. I was ready for her. I googled pictures of smokers' lungs and found an image with one healthy and one lung sick with lungcancer, printed the picture in colour and went into our meeting/breakfast/dinner/whatever-room, put the picture in front of the smoker and said "this is for you - I think the right lung pretty much equals yours at the moment". The bitch who was there immediately said "they really are after smokers these days" and I answered "if a person is so fucking stupid that he or she smokes and hurts themself they deserve it". She said something about how people can smoke and still be healthy and I went on "I've lived with a smoker for a long time, I've seen how they hurt themselves and others". After that I went away so I wouldn't strangle her. How can someone be so stupid? Alright that you don't want to agree with me, but how can one honestly say that "smoking isn't that dangerous - there are worse things"? Just because you can die when you cross a road doesn't mean you have to go out and SEARCH for danger!
The poor addicted smoker didn't say much when we had our shift-meeting later - she just kept touching the paper with the picture. She usually speaks A LOT. I think I'm onto something.

Now... where did I put the brains?

harder and harder

Whitney Houston is making a comeback. I think that's great of her - she does, after all, have a magnificient voice.

I wanna make a comeback aswell and since I'll never make the big stage (except as an example of how NOT to do things) I'm quitting this crap now. Enough is enough.

lazy days

My essay got sent away 23:59:00:00. The deadline was 23:59:00:00. If I pass then the teacher is really nice with the grades - it was a horrible essay.

If I count today I have eight days left here at Paintworld. Eight days. Then I'm off to do something else for three years (hopefully) and then the year I turn 28 I'll be on the right way to do what I want to do. I think. I can't predict the future and I'm not really sure I want to - wouldn't be very much fun to always know what's gonna happen.
I'm terrified though. Not yet paralysed with fear, but incredibly scared. What if I can't get my loan to become mortgage-free for these years? What if I won't be able to pay my bills? What if I fail at absolutely everything at the course? What if the sky falls down? What if I drown in a tidal wave? What if, what if, what if?
Everyone tell me that "it'll be fine - you'll do great". But how can they know? They tell me that it feels like this for everyone and I suppose that's a bit of comfort. Of course, it doesn't help me when I feel like throwing up or when I want to scream out my frustration about not understanding a paper or now, when I keep thinking about how I'm going to pay my bills.
I think I'm going to listen to everyone. I think everyone is right. I think everyone know a bit better than I do right now.

...brains...

My essay is due in exactly 10 hours and 55 minutes. So far it isn't finished. So far it's not really an essay to speak of. So right now I'm mostly mad at myself for actually believing that I need that "last-minute-stress" to do something.

When I was 16 our yearly festival was an incredibly fun event. The music was great, the food was great and there were so much people in there that I'd never seen before.
It wasn't as funny yesterday. I suppose it's because the whole festival's moved a bit. Or maybe I just wasn't up for it. The wild boar-kabob was still nice, but the moose was nicer.
On the good side I did tell two police officers that I think they do a good job. The first one got really surprised which I thought was kinda funny. "No matter what the media says or others, I at least think you do a good job." Sometimes my niceness amazes myself.

Time to find someone's brain...

different

You know, I've been thinking. Well, not so much thinking as actually "being bothered". A friend of mine told me yesterday that "Mss" is the title for an unmarried woman. According to him "Ms" was for divorced women and "Mrs" for married women. In my world "Ms" is the feminist-way to say "fuck off - you don't have to know if I'm married or not" and can mean both "miss" and "mrs". To hear that there's another title is just... wrong. Men have "Mr" if they're unmarried and "Mr" if they're married. Why can't women just have "Ms"? "Mrs" means "Mister's" in my world and let's face it - in this part of the world it's been a while since women were the property of men. (At least legally.)

I hate not knowing stuff.

insane in the membrane

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

I know. And still I keep asking myself over and over. I have to quit my job. I have to sell my apartment. I have to move back in with my parents. Or I take a loan. A loan to pay for the loan I already have. Sigh...

brain of mush

In about two hours I'll have told my boss that if work and studies become too much for me I'll quit my job. The job I've had on and off since 2005 and took rather than read a course in children's literature. That I kept rather than going abroad and work. That I went to every day when I wanted to kill myself.
In two months' time I might not have that job anymore. I'm not really sure how it works, I've never quit a job before. Now I can't even write, I just keep staring...

It took me many years to realise what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and now that I have a chance, a real shot, at trying it, my mind goes blank. I suppose that's what it's like when you know that you're life is changing. It was the same when I bought my apartment. When I fell in love. When I got accepted to the University five years ago. The same incredible joy - the same blank mind. This is all that... and so much more. I'm actually willing to end everything I have for something new. And now I feel the adrenaline pumping, haha.

I applied because I thought I was going to loose my job. Then I got to keep it and I got placed on the reserve list. Now, about a month later I feel so bored at work that I feel like setting a coatpile on fire just to get some action and I find out that I'm admitted. You know, people tell me that they don't believe in fate, but how can they not? A friend told me that he could go as long as "karma" - you know, good things happen to good people - and I suppose that'll have to do.

"What's the story, Morning Glory?"

When did people become so nasty?

At least this cutie cheers me up on a boring morning.

braindead

When I was a kid I wanted to be in beauty pageants. I wanted to be up there on the stage and tell everyone that "I want world peace and an end to hunger" and all that. Of course, when I was a kid I also wanted to live in a wooden house with a swimming pool up in the trees, so I suppose my wishes as a kid shouldn't be taken too seriously.

There are parents who want their children to compete against other children and beat them. Like a way of saying "ha ha, my family is much better than yours". You see it in every activity - sports, technique, beauty pageants...

Poor children...