Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Thursday, 22 January 2009
closer
My right foot hurts and this time it's actually my own fault. (No idea why it hurt last time, but that was probably my fault aswell seeing as it's my foot and I'm me.) You see, yesterday, or well, this morning at 1:30:ish am, I decided to get some rice cookies from one of my cupboards. Since I like to make things difficult I decided to sort of "climb" the bench up to the cupboard. That wasn't one of my best ideas. It started with me jumping up and hitting my forehead on one of the shelves (I have a mark there now), which isn't all that bad I suppose, but when I jumped down I think the carpet slipped under me and I somehow twisted my foot and ended up laying on my kitchenfloor with a hurting rightfoot and staring up in the ceiling while thinking "this is why you stand on the chair". This does seem like a really stupid thing, but it's still better than explaining to people who I got a scar on my thigh; "I dropped a bowl".
In other news: I think I might've destroyed 90kg red paint today, the Thaifood wasn't all that and I still wanna set my neighbours' apartment on fire. Of course, that'd drag my apartment down aswell, which I think would be a bit sad. On the good side I did standardise two colours and my weekend starts in 2 hours and 57 minutes.
In other news: I think I might've destroyed 90kg red paint today, the Thaifood wasn't all that and I still wanna set my neighbours' apartment on fire. Of course, that'd drag my apartment down aswell, which I think would be a bit sad. On the good side I did standardise two colours and my weekend starts in 2 hours and 57 minutes.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
natural
I've always been against plastic surgery. Mainly because I've had the "well, this is how I look, I just have to deal with it" and mainly because my problem with not liking myself never really was purely physical. I think it's like that for a lot of people who have plastic surgeries. They have a picture of how they look and they don't see the reality. So imagine my surprise when I browse around our daily newspaper (same as always, of course) and find this:
HOLLYWOOD. Here's the site that entices free plastic surgeries.
Behind the bizarre idea in Los Angeles are two Scandinavians.
'We want to make the world a little bit prettier', says one of the two founders,
Behind the bizarre idea in Los Angeles are two Scandinavians.
'We want to make the world a little bit prettier', says one of the two founders,
Swedish Martin Wahlström.
"Operation perfect" is intended to men. The duo use pictures of semi-naked women in order to get the visitors to open their wallets.
'Yes it's like that. The girls want to be seen and the guys want to look', Wahlström says.
The idea, which is launched this week, is built on donations.
Without contributions there will be no operation.
'Yes it's like that. The girls want to be seen and the guys want to look', Wahlström says.
The idea, which is launched this week, is built on donations.
Without contributions there will be no operation.
First out is a Swedish girl who calls herself "Thina". "Today I live in Stockholm. I'm 20. WIth bigger, rounder and sexier breasts I would feel so much sexier" she writes on the site.
So far she has gotten a little more than a percent of the total sum.
'It is up to the girls themselves to decide what kind of operation they want to do. It doesn't have to be breasts. It can be liposuction, butt, thighs.'
No marketing
Wahlström claims that girls are standing in line to be a part of this.
'Without us having done any marketing we've already recieved a few hundred applications. That a Swedish girl is the first one out is a mere coincidence.'
So far she has gotten a little more than a percent of the total sum.
'It is up to the girls themselves to decide what kind of operation they want to do. It doesn't have to be breasts. It can be liposuction, butt, thighs.'
No marketing
Wahlström claims that girls are standing in line to be a part of this.
'Without us having done any marketing we've already recieved a few hundred applications. That a Swedish girl is the first one out is a mere coincidence.'
'The goal is to establish the site all over the world. We already have girls from Italy, Germany, South America...'
Promised nightclub life
The girls who are chosen for operations will be sent to Los Angeles, California, where they'll be operated without costs. They are also promised modelling photographing, make-up and nightclub life.
'We have discussions with plastic surgeons who have participated in American "make-over"-shows. They are very interested in this, Wahlström says.
Also the ones who vote or donate can win trips to Los Angeles. On the site two nights at a hotel and a dinner with the girl who won an operation is promised.
'For us the income will be with the advertising on the site, Wahlström says, who has a past at Slitz Magazine and who has launched the now resting project "Glamour of Sweden".
'We have discussions with plastic surgeons who have participated in American "make-over"-shows. They are very interested in this, Wahlström says.
Also the ones who vote or donate can win trips to Los Angeles. On the site two nights at a hotel and a dinner with the girl who won an operation is promised.
'For us the income will be with the advertising on the site, Wahlström says, who has a past at Slitz Magazine and who has launched the now resting project "Glamour of Sweden".
I know that I'm a naïve woman who thinks that everyone should love the world and themselves and that my way of viewing the world might not be they way everyone else sees it, but this... I mean, wouldn't it be better to offer the poor girls therapy? Heck - I'd teach them the phrase "I am great just the way I am" for free.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
crackpotland
You know, I still feel wonderful. I feel like I did when I went to high school, but better. I was on the top of the world then, but now... Now it feels so much better than it did then. It's "crackpotland" times a thousand. Being me, I'll probably crash really hard some day, but you know, I've been there before and I can manage. And you know what? It isn't fate, it isn't karma - it's just me and my attitude.
I read an article about the guy who writes the speeches for Barack Obama. I want that job.
If you ever need a speech-writer you know here to find me. I'm very good at speaking. And writing. And combining those two.
People run from me. They really shouldn't do that. I'm nice. I'm friendly. And I tend to hunt them down and ask them why they run. At least I used to. Lately I've been trying the "let them come to me"-thing and it's not going that well. So I'm gonna hunt them down again.
I read an article about the guy who writes the speeches for Barack Obama. I want that job.
If you ever need a speech-writer you know here to find me. I'm very good at speaking. And writing. And combining those two.
People run from me. They really shouldn't do that. I'm nice. I'm friendly. And I tend to hunt them down and ask them why they run. At least I used to. Lately I've been trying the "let them come to me"-thing and it's not going that well. So I'm gonna hunt them down again.
Monday, 19 January 2009
hunter
Lately I've been feeling like "a million bucks". Seriously. I've been feeling wonderfully, amazingly, incredibly fantastic and beautiful. I think it's my attitude towards life and other people that makes me feel this way, because nothing has changed really.
Still, I can't help wondering what I've done to make people ignore me. Or well, they say they don't, but I still can't help feeling that there's something they're not telling me.
Oh well, if they don't wanna speak to me they don't have to. I'm through with forcing people. I'm through with chasing people. I'm through with caring about people who doesn't give a fuck themselves.
And I still feel fabulous!
Still, I can't help wondering what I've done to make people ignore me. Or well, they say they don't, but I still can't help feeling that there's something they're not telling me.
Oh well, if they don't wanna speak to me they don't have to. I'm through with forcing people. I'm through with chasing people. I'm through with caring about people who doesn't give a fuck themselves.
And I still feel fabulous!
Sunday, 18 January 2009
flawless
I have a bunch of weird ideas. Or well, they seem weird to others - they're perfectly understandable to me. Just take the one about me not wanting a headset because that'd make me one of the geeks you see at the Internetcafés late at night when normal people sleep. The fact that I'm virtually one of them already (well except that I'm at home), doesn't matter. Then my parents gave me a headset for my birthday... It almost made me cry inside - I'm one of them now.
I also have this idea about baking. As you probably know I'm completely useless when it comes to making dinner. It's all about chemistry and feeling so technically I should be really good at it. It's just that... I don't know - I suppose I just don't have the love for it. Well that and the fact that knives and frying pans scare me.
Anyway, when it comes to baking I don't mind that it takes time, so I never make things that are like "shake and bake". I make my cakes and desserts from scratch. (Well, I don't make my own butter or flour, but you get the idea.) I brag about how good I am at baking and how perfect my cakes are and I look down on everyone who doesn't put the true effort in. (Of course... if you confuse baking powder with vanilla sugar that effort might not be worth much...)
Yesterday my mom bought me pie-thingies. The shake and bake-way.
I have to stop being this arrogant.
I also have this idea about baking. As you probably know I'm completely useless when it comes to making dinner. It's all about chemistry and feeling so technically I should be really good at it. It's just that... I don't know - I suppose I just don't have the love for it. Well that and the fact that knives and frying pans scare me.
Anyway, when it comes to baking I don't mind that it takes time, so I never make things that are like "shake and bake". I make my cakes and desserts from scratch. (Well, I don't make my own butter or flour, but you get the idea.) I brag about how good I am at baking and how perfect my cakes are and I look down on everyone who doesn't put the true effort in. (Of course... if you confuse baking powder with vanilla sugar that effort might not be worth much...)
Yesterday my mom bought me pie-thingies. The shake and bake-way.
I have to stop being this arrogant.
Friday, 16 January 2009
sillyness
We've got cookies (well more biscuits, but you get the point) from some German company here. They taste... interesting. So interesting that I took one bite and then threw the cookie away - we're speaking big cookies. A million spices, chocolate cover and then some form of paperlike material for the bottom. Remind me to never end up like an old lady who's having "coffee and biscuits" in the afternoon. I had way too many of those biscuits as a kid.
The 'daily article' from our sensation paper is about why some women have a body shaped like an hourglass and why they're monogamists. After some searching I found the original article and after reading through it I realised that yes, once again our daily paper is making stuff up. You really gotta love the amazing news coverage they have.
Biology, not heart, provokes infidelity
Beautiful women who have affairs can now blame it on their sex hormones.
Women with higher levels of oestradiol, a form of oestrogen, not only look and feel more attractive, they are also more likely to cheat on their partners, a new study has found.
One-night-stands are not what interest these flirtatious females, who tend to have bigger breasts, relatively small waists and symmetrical faces as a result of their high levels of oestradiol.
Rather, they adopt a strategy of serial monogamy, say the researchers, led by Kristina Durante of the University of Texas.
"Without necessarily being consciously aware of their motives, highly attractive women are probably able to capitalise on their desirability and continually acquire a higher-quality long-term mate by trading up when the opportunity arises," said Dr Durante.
A James Cook University psychologist, Frances Quirk, said Marilyn Monroe, with her hourglass figure, was a classic example of a high-oestradiol female. "And her relationship history is a fairly good match," she said, noting the actress's marriages and affairs with increasingly important men.
Associate Professor Quirk said the study added to other evidence that hormones such as testosterone and oxytocin influenced the sexual and social behaviour of men and women. "The bottom line is that we are driven by our biology a lot of the time."
Dr Durante's team tested the level of oestradiol, which is linked to fertility,
Women with higher levels of oestradiol, a form of oestrogen, not only look and feel more attractive, they are also more likely to cheat on their partners, a new study has found.
One-night-stands are not what interest these flirtatious females, who tend to have bigger breasts, relatively small waists and symmetrical faces as a result of their high levels of oestradiol.
Rather, they adopt a strategy of serial monogamy, say the researchers, led by Kristina Durante of the University of Texas.
"Without necessarily being consciously aware of their motives, highly attractive women are probably able to capitalise on their desirability and continually acquire a higher-quality long-term mate by trading up when the opportunity arises," said Dr Durante.
A James Cook University psychologist, Frances Quirk, said Marilyn Monroe, with her hourglass figure, was a classic example of a high-oestradiol female. "And her relationship history is a fairly good match," she said, noting the actress's marriages and affairs with increasingly important men.
Associate Professor Quirk said the study added to other evidence that hormones such as testosterone and oxytocin influenced the sexual and social behaviour of men and women. "The bottom line is that we are driven by our biology a lot of the time."
Dr Durante's team tested the level of oestradiol, which is linked to fertility,
in the blood of 52 women aged between 17 and 30.
Those with higher levels rated themselves as more desirable than average, and were judged to be significantly more attractive by others. They had had more long-term relationships than those with lower levels of the hormone, and "reported a greater likelihood of flirting, kissing and having a serious affair with someone other than their primary partner", Dr Durante said.
The results were consistent with the possibility that "highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by their long-term partners and are especially motivated to become acquainted with other, presumably more desirable, men", she said. "Importantly, such motivations do not seem to stem from a greater interest in casual sex."
Those with higher levels rated themselves as more desirable than average, and were judged to be significantly more attractive by others. They had had more long-term relationships than those with lower levels of the hormone, and "reported a greater likelihood of flirting, kissing and having a serious affair with someone other than their primary partner", Dr Durante said.
The results were consistent with the possibility that "highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by their long-term partners and are especially motivated to become acquainted with other, presumably more desirable, men", she said. "Importantly, such motivations do not seem to stem from a greater interest in casual sex."
This is the actual article. According to our paper these women might also belong to the category that other women dislikes. Do you have any idea how much this would explain if it was true? That would mean that the women here at work who absolutely detest me (they're quite many) do it because I have a high level of oestradiol in my body. Interesting.
We had a test of this ourglass-thing when I went to high school. Our psychology teacher showed pictures of two women. For me they looked exactly the same, but the guy next to me instantly said that the right one was more attractive. When I asked him why he said that it was because she had a smaller waist. The female students didn't see this, but almost all of the male ones did. A bit strange when I come to think of it, but then again - a small waist means that the hips are shown as wider, which (as stated in an earlier entry) is a sign that a women is good with carrying children. So I suppose it all really does come down to biology in the end... Which means that this article didn't really prove anything at all. Way to go!
Thursday, 15 January 2009
curriculum vitae
Professional CV:
- Work:
- Does reological analysis of acrylate compounds.
- Interests:
- Very fond of American popular culture.
- Enjoys discussing recent world events.
Honest CV:
- Work:
- Checks paint - make sure it dries, has the proper thickness and that it has the correct shade.
- Interests:
- Very fond of the Simpsons and Family Guy.
- Plays World of Warcraft.
Action CV:
- Work:
- Deals with flammable objects and is in constant danger of explosion.
- Interests:
- Kills things with my bare hands or with a giant two-handed weapon.
This is what goes through my head when I work. How to turn my CV into an "Action CV". As you can see I clearly suck at writing one, but just like everything else in my world, that doesn't really stop me.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
inhale
I found some blogs written by people on both the Israeli and Palestinian sides. To me, this war is just like all the others. They're happening to people I don't know in a country I've never been to and when it reaches the news I look in horror and then change the channel and prepare my dinner.
The blogs mentioned the use of white phosphorus bombs even though this is said to be denied of the Israeli government. One of them said that a woman died after being hit by a "shell".
Being the one I am I had to check what these bombs actually do to the body. I know I shouldn't be surprised over the result because I know that wars is horrible business, but...
Apparently there are two kinds of white phosphorus (according to Wikipedia), it's named after a Greek word which means "light bearer" and the Latin name is Lucifer. (Yes, I know.) When in contact with oxygen it'll self-ignite so if you want to cut it (it's soft as cheese) you have to do it under water. It corrodes when it comes in contact with the skin and goes in to the skeleton. If you inhale it you'll get chronic internal injuries and you'll do damage to liver and kidneys and get brittle bones.
"Excrement, vomit and breath from a person who's been poisoned with white phosphorus can smell like garlic and even glow in the dark."
http://gaza-sderot.blogspot.com/
http://mecaforpeace.blogspot.com/
The blogs mentioned the use of white phosphorus bombs even though this is said to be denied of the Israeli government. One of them said that a woman died after being hit by a "shell".
Being the one I am I had to check what these bombs actually do to the body. I know I shouldn't be surprised over the result because I know that wars is horrible business, but...
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
Apparently there are two kinds of white phosphorus (according to Wikipedia), it's named after a Greek word which means "light bearer" and the Latin name is Lucifer. (Yes, I know.) When in contact with oxygen it'll self-ignite so if you want to cut it (it's soft as cheese) you have to do it under water. It corrodes when it comes in contact with the skin and goes in to the skeleton. If you inhale it you'll get chronic internal injuries and you'll do damage to liver and kidneys and get brittle bones.
"Excrement, vomit and breath from a person who's been poisoned with white phosphorus can smell like garlic and even glow in the dark."
http://gaza-sderot.blogspot.com/
http://mecaforpeace.blogspot.com/
Monday, 12 January 2009
breathe
I had to go home from work today. Me. I'm never sick. And I had to go home from work. Like it's not bad enough having to get up at 5:40am, I also had a really weird feeling in my stomache. Sort of like the tiny bandorchestra, but with more difficulty when it comes to breathing. I figured it'd solve itself once I got to work, but when you have to stop and squat to be able to carry on something just isn't like it should be. I also had to sit down on a stone because everything went black for a second. This was on a 500m walk to work. That's just not right... And it didn't get that much better when I came to work so I went home again. If this is anything like last time I won't be able to move tomorrow. That outta be fun.
So now I've been up since 5:40am because I don't wanna mess up my 24 hours again. On the good side it's now 08:28am and I'm enjoying a very beautiful sunrise.
So now I've been up since 5:40am because I don't wanna mess up my 24 hours again. On the good side it's now 08:28am and I'm enjoying a very beautiful sunrise.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Saturday, 10 January 2009
fuck all
My head hurts. I've been trying to sleep for 3 hours and it hurts so much that I can't. Besides the hurting it's also full of thoughts, which doesn't exactly make it easier to relax and fall asleep. Fucking brain.
I had so much to write down, but now I have nothing. Fuck it. I'm just gonna watch a movie instead.
I had so much to write down, but now I have nothing. Fuck it. I'm just gonna watch a movie instead.
Thursday, 8 January 2009
asshole
You know, I like cold. It makes me happy, makes the air fresher and keeps me from falling asleep from boredom. I'm not really fond of cold when it means that my body falls asleep from bad blood circulation. And yes, it'd probably fall asleep anyway since the circulation isn't all that even if it's warm outside, but this really is stupid. I have my mittens on. MITTENS! Do you have any idea how hard it is to write on a keyboard with mittens?! Well, I had them on anyway - it was just too much of a challenge.
There's a big debate here in Sweden about equality between men and women. When it comes to salary women are still behind and they probably will be for decades to come, but when it comes to other aspects we're quite good on it I think. Well, there is that gym that has a section just for women. Which is a nice thought seeing as there are women who get raped and such and would like to use the gym, but men just scare them too much. Or when they just want to be left alone - away from preying eyes. Of course, the women are allowed in the normal training area and men don't have a section for themselves. So this gym got accused of not being equal and there was a big inquiry. The gym got freed of the accusations based on the reason I listed above.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't equality between the sexes mean just that? Equal rights for both sides? Doesn't this mean that the men should also have a section to themselves?
Sweden is a great country in many ways, but this discussion is going a bit far in my opinion. Yes, my male collegues might make more money than me just because they're men (they don't, but that's really not the point), but I can get dressed in a skirt and a nice t-shirt and smile and get whatever I want from any man. Men can't do that. (Well, some can, but let's not get into that.) I can claim that my male collegues harass me sexually and sue the company and get a nice sum of money for my pain - can you even imagine the laughter if my male collegues said that about me? "She harassed me sexually!" The answer they'd get would probably be "oh, just admit you liked it".
I'm probably stupid and I'm sure all of the attack-feminists are gonna attack me for making the problem worse, but I prefer to see what I want to see. I don't see it as an obstacle for me if men make more money, I'm not really that into money anyway. If people wanna be careerdriven and work themselves to death it's more their problem than mine. I prefer to put on an apron and live in my kitchen.
No, jokes aside, let me give you a tip I once got in "one of those filthy magazines which just objectify women". Your boss won't actually see how much you work (unless you boss works with you of course). What your boss will see is your attendance and will. Why do you think I tell my boss that "I don't really care about when I have vacation - just put it somewhere where it fits the schedule"? Fine, so I really don't care, but also because when I ask for a day off I know I'll get it. If there's work to be done in the weekend and you clearly see that everyone would rather have a rootcanalfilling than say yes, I offer. More goodwill, more power, more nice words when you leave the company.
Yes, I might be an asshole who degrades women's right to exactly everything men have, but I will always come first and I will always get what I want. Mainly because I know how to get it.
There's a big debate here in Sweden about equality between men and women. When it comes to salary women are still behind and they probably will be for decades to come, but when it comes to other aspects we're quite good on it I think. Well, there is that gym that has a section just for women. Which is a nice thought seeing as there are women who get raped and such and would like to use the gym, but men just scare them too much. Or when they just want to be left alone - away from preying eyes. Of course, the women are allowed in the normal training area and men don't have a section for themselves. So this gym got accused of not being equal and there was a big inquiry. The gym got freed of the accusations based on the reason I listed above.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't equality between the sexes mean just that? Equal rights for both sides? Doesn't this mean that the men should also have a section to themselves?
Sweden is a great country in many ways, but this discussion is going a bit far in my opinion. Yes, my male collegues might make more money than me just because they're men (they don't, but that's really not the point), but I can get dressed in a skirt and a nice t-shirt and smile and get whatever I want from any man. Men can't do that. (Well, some can, but let's not get into that.) I can claim that my male collegues harass me sexually and sue the company and get a nice sum of money for my pain - can you even imagine the laughter if my male collegues said that about me? "She harassed me sexually!" The answer they'd get would probably be "oh, just admit you liked it".
I'm probably stupid and I'm sure all of the attack-feminists are gonna attack me for making the problem worse, but I prefer to see what I want to see. I don't see it as an obstacle for me if men make more money, I'm not really that into money anyway. If people wanna be careerdriven and work themselves to death it's more their problem than mine. I prefer to put on an apron and live in my kitchen.
No, jokes aside, let me give you a tip I once got in "one of those filthy magazines which just objectify women". Your boss won't actually see how much you work (unless you boss works with you of course). What your boss will see is your attendance and will. Why do you think I tell my boss that "I don't really care about when I have vacation - just put it somewhere where it fits the schedule"? Fine, so I really don't care, but also because when I ask for a day off I know I'll get it. If there's work to be done in the weekend and you clearly see that everyone would rather have a rootcanalfilling than say yes, I offer. More goodwill, more power, more nice words when you leave the company.
Yes, I might be an asshole who degrades women's right to exactly everything men have, but I will always come first and I will always get what I want. Mainly because I know how to get it.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
difference
Men and women are funny. If a man doesn't like you he'll either terrorise you or ignore you. If a woman doesn't like you she'll be incredibly friendly and polite to you and then speak about you behind your back.
If a man does like you, however, he'll terrorise you in a friendly way and he'll also offer help if you ever need it for something. If a woman likes you she jokes and laughs and tries to catch your attention when she thinks you're not looking.
Women are insane creatures. I'm one of them and I still think so. If two pairs are out (two women and their husbands), the women can communicate by just using glances. It's a skill every woman have. I once red an entry by someone about how women use pauses at the exact right spots to let other women know that they were bugging them. A man wrote it and I translated it for you just now because I like you so much.
The most used language in the world own neither name nor dictionary. It cuts through all language barriers. I've made the discovery that women of all ages can speak it, and I reveal the little I know for men all over the world. This secret language is a strange combination of words, intonation, veiled raises of the eyebrows and wellplaced pauses that helps women to exchange insults in such a way that the man think they're complimenting each other. They can make the man think, that the woman they speak of, is a very dear friend, when they are really cutting her to pieces. It also helps them in social situations where opinions aren't always appreciated.
The hostess decides, for example, that it's time for everyone to start thinking about the refrain. The hostess might say: "Can't I get you another drink (pause) before (pause) you leave". The man does of course accept the offer about another drink, the woman knows that it's time to go home. And it was the pauses, placed on the exact right places, that did it. The pause is the key to say "not in a million years".
When Mrs. Svensson calls Mrs. Johansson and tells her that her four unmarried cousins just arrived from Lindesberg, and that she'd like to bring them to the coctailparty, Mrs. Johansson doesn't have to say "over my dead body". She just says "eh! (pause) yes, you can bring them (pause) with you". This is said with the careful usage of both pauses and intonation that makes Mrs. Svensson understand that if she ever wants an invitation again in her lifetime she'd better give the cousins a bottle of blackberry juice and leave them at home.
Another method that men often miss is the reverse meaning of a statement. How many men haven't been forced to sleep on the couch after having believed that their wives have really been serious when they've said that "I don't want anything on my birthday". This, gentlemen, is her old native tongue speaking in either English or Hindu. Its' true meaning is "I haven't seen you trying to sneak any parcels in. You'd just try and forget my birthday".
And all you men who thought that when a woman told another woman "oh, dear..." it meant that she was nice and motherly caring, when she's actually saying "Oh my Lord... are you really that stupid?". Beware to believe in a woman who carefully choses her words. For example, a woman who tells another woman "eh (pause) you look so cute" means about the same thing as if she asked her if she'd got dressed in the dark. The same goes for when a woman has just been caught by another, or caught in the act of making a social mistake. She answers something which means "oh (pause) my. Aren't you a strange one? Poor little me would never have thought about that".
And to make it all even more confusing for us poor men, the intonation can change the meaning of any word. Take the simple statement "I think she's very sympatic";
If a man does like you, however, he'll terrorise you in a friendly way and he'll also offer help if you ever need it for something. If a woman likes you she jokes and laughs and tries to catch your attention when she thinks you're not looking.
Women are insane creatures. I'm one of them and I still think so. If two pairs are out (two women and their husbands), the women can communicate by just using glances. It's a skill every woman have. I once red an entry by someone about how women use pauses at the exact right spots to let other women know that they were bugging them. A man wrote it and I translated it for you just now because I like you so much.
The secret language of women
The most used language in the world own neither name nor dictionary. It cuts through all language barriers. I've made the discovery that women of all ages can speak it, and I reveal the little I know for men all over the world. This secret language is a strange combination of words, intonation, veiled raises of the eyebrows and wellplaced pauses that helps women to exchange insults in such a way that the man think they're complimenting each other. They can make the man think, that the woman they speak of, is a very dear friend, when they are really cutting her to pieces. It also helps them in social situations where opinions aren't always appreciated.
The hostess decides, for example, that it's time for everyone to start thinking about the refrain. The hostess might say: "Can't I get you another drink (pause) before (pause) you leave". The man does of course accept the offer about another drink, the woman knows that it's time to go home. And it was the pauses, placed on the exact right places, that did it. The pause is the key to say "not in a million years".
When Mrs. Svensson calls Mrs. Johansson and tells her that her four unmarried cousins just arrived from Lindesberg, and that she'd like to bring them to the coctailparty, Mrs. Johansson doesn't have to say "over my dead body". She just says "eh! (pause) yes, you can bring them (pause) with you". This is said with the careful usage of both pauses and intonation that makes Mrs. Svensson understand that if she ever wants an invitation again in her lifetime she'd better give the cousins a bottle of blackberry juice and leave them at home.
Another method that men often miss is the reverse meaning of a statement. How many men haven't been forced to sleep on the couch after having believed that their wives have really been serious when they've said that "I don't want anything on my birthday". This, gentlemen, is her old native tongue speaking in either English or Hindu. Its' true meaning is "I haven't seen you trying to sneak any parcels in. You'd just try and forget my birthday".
And all you men who thought that when a woman told another woman "oh, dear..." it meant that she was nice and motherly caring, when she's actually saying "Oh my Lord... are you really that stupid?". Beware to believe in a woman who carefully choses her words. For example, a woman who tells another woman "eh (pause) you look so cute" means about the same thing as if she asked her if she'd got dressed in the dark. The same goes for when a woman has just been caught by another, or caught in the act of making a social mistake. She answers something which means "oh (pause) my. Aren't you a strange one? Poor little me would never have thought about that".
And to make it all even more confusing for us poor men, the intonation can change the meaning of any word. Take the simple statement "I think she's very sympatic";
- a muffled way of saying it means that she's a real sourpuss.
- an aggressive intonation means that she's a slut.
- stressing the word "think" means that she's a mystery.
- stressing the word "very" and "sympathic" means that the woman has secrets.
Let's now make the problem even worse and let the same woman raise her left eyebrow when she says "I think she's very sympathic". This means that the latter mentioned woman has slept with all of the listening woman's husbands.
The principle seems to be that all women who take part in this kind of game never let the man know or even suspect what's going on. This means that a woman would never answer an insult about her clothing with something else than "but I like your dress too. My unmarried aunt actually had one just like it". While this hidden language really complicates things for the woman, it also have many obvious advantages. But for you men all I can say is, that if you think you'd like to learn it, start with sanskrit instead. You'll find it to be much easier to learn.
This is all very true, I know because I've done it countless times with my friends and every time the men present wondered what the hell we just said to each other.
Let me give you a simple lesson - men are assholes, women are witches. They both mean well, but somewhere along the line they tend to misunderstand each other quite a lot. Easy, clear, simple statements are usually the best way to communicate with the other side. A clear "I really don't like you" is much better than "you're an idiot". This will, of course, be a bit tricky if the person you don't really like decides to annoy you and answer "yes you do" in which case it won't really matter what you say.
You know what... Let's just be quiet and show with actions if we like each other or not. A simple raising of the middle finger to someone usually means "I really don't like you" whereas a hug generally means the opposite.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
bring it on
I found a key today. Yep, the route of out my bleshness. The secret is that you need something to focus on more. You know, something that makes the bleshness seem less important.
For me it's organising. Any kind of organising really. (I usually always check travels and plan trips when I feel like shite.) Just something that occupies my head and goes in a loop and just pushes all the crap away.
Bye, bye, silly little love-issues - we might meet again some day.
The saddest part is that I had actually forgotten what it felt like to feel like this. To be fully focused. To actually believe in something. It feels amazing!
For me it's organising. Any kind of organising really. (I usually always check travels and plan trips when I feel like shite.) Just something that occupies my head and goes in a loop and just pushes all the crap away.
Bye, bye, silly little love-issues - we might meet again some day.
The saddest part is that I had actually forgotten what it felt like to feel like this. To be fully focused. To actually believe in something. It feels amazing!
Monday, 5 January 2009
squeezeday
Today's a squeezeday. We actually call it that. Squeezeday. It sounds quite funny in English because I've never really thought about the actual meaning of the word "squeeze" in this context.
What it means, here in Sweden, is usually a day between a weekend and a holiday. All the schools are usually closed on these days and most of the companies give their employees the day off. (Mine didn't though, so H1 had to work this morning.) The holiday this time is Twelfth Night (also called "the Eve of Epiphany" in my dictionary - god knows why.) You know, I gotta hand it to mr. Jesús. Sure this whole god-thing was a bit over the top and sure he did get himself killed in the end, but you know, without him I wouldn't have this day off. Thank you, Jesús.
Although I have to say that it would be quite nice if it was an actual "go-out-and-squeeze-your-friends-day". I think Swedish people could use more squeezing. Of course, this would also lead to that someone somewhere squeezed a completely random person just for the fun of it and that random person wouldn't like it so the squeezer would get shot and killed, which would lead to riots for and against "squeezing" and before we know it Sweden would be in ruins. That would be a bit sad - it's a very beautiful country. Then again, maybe that would mean that no one would really care about the part of Sweden that I live in and we'd get a possibility to become a completely free country. You know, I'll get back to you on this...
I have too much clothes. It really does become a problem sometimes; like two days ago when I did the laundry (by hand because I do that) and found a t-shirt I'd forgotten that I had. A green t-shirt with a special cut. I mean OH MY GAWD!
Anyway, the main problem with this is that there's no room for my clothes so I really should throw some of them away. But they still fit and I still like them... To have had the same kind of body since high school really isn't as good as it may seem. I have skirts that are ten years old and they still fit like a glove and look great, so I can't throw those away. Issues, issues.
One of my friends once told me that if the biggest problem you have for the moment is which colour to wear then your life it pretty damn good. My biggest issue right now is if I should wear jeans or a skirt and in that case which colour I should have on my pantyhoses (black or brown).
Sometimes I see myself as shallow...
/Anna - the dictionary of Christian holidays
What it means, here in Sweden, is usually a day between a weekend and a holiday. All the schools are usually closed on these days and most of the companies give their employees the day off. (Mine didn't though, so H1 had to work this morning.) The holiday this time is Twelfth Night (also called "the Eve of Epiphany" in my dictionary - god knows why.) You know, I gotta hand it to mr. Jesús. Sure this whole god-thing was a bit over the top and sure he did get himself killed in the end, but you know, without him I wouldn't have this day off. Thank you, Jesús.
Although I have to say that it would be quite nice if it was an actual "go-out-and-squeeze-your-friends-day". I think Swedish people could use more squeezing. Of course, this would also lead to that someone somewhere squeezed a completely random person just for the fun of it and that random person wouldn't like it so the squeezer would get shot and killed, which would lead to riots for and against "squeezing" and before we know it Sweden would be in ruins. That would be a bit sad - it's a very beautiful country. Then again, maybe that would mean that no one would really care about the part of Sweden that I live in and we'd get a possibility to become a completely free country. You know, I'll get back to you on this...
I have too much clothes. It really does become a problem sometimes; like two days ago when I did the laundry (by hand because I do that) and found a t-shirt I'd forgotten that I had. A green t-shirt with a special cut. I mean OH MY GAWD!
Anyway, the main problem with this is that there's no room for my clothes so I really should throw some of them away. But they still fit and I still like them... To have had the same kind of body since high school really isn't as good as it may seem. I have skirts that are ten years old and they still fit like a glove and look great, so I can't throw those away. Issues, issues.
One of my friends once told me that if the biggest problem you have for the moment is which colour to wear then your life it pretty damn good. My biggest issue right now is if I should wear jeans or a skirt and in that case which colour I should have on my pantyhoses (black or brown).
Sometimes I see myself as shallow...
/Anna - the dictionary of Christian holidays
Sunday, 4 January 2009
silence
I just saw The Life of David Gale. Wow. I know I have a certain love for depressing movies, but wow. The thoughts in my head are just completely still now, it's... unusual.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
cruel awakening
Someone once called me "naïve". At the time I didn't agree, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe there was some truth to it after all. I've realised that I like to believe what people tell me because I judge others after myself and I don't lie (that much). Again and again I've been proven wrong and still I keep on going. It ends now. I'm tired of making a fool of myself and hoping that "this time it's gonna be different". It's never different. It never changes.
This year is about me and positive thoughts so this is me being positive. I'm not believing it anymore. I'm not trusting people anymore. I'm through with it.
May your year be as great as mine will be.
This year is about me and positive thoughts so this is me being positive. I'm not believing it anymore. I'm not trusting people anymore. I'm through with it.
May your year be as great as mine will be.
Friday, 2 January 2009
glorious
My hands look like the hands of a very old person. You know, all dried up and creepy.
My right foot hurts so much I can't walk properly.
But I'm not complaining - more stating facts.
On the plus-side I did look really good at the New Year's Party (my best friend told me she'd "totally do me" if she was a man so I think that's good), I have icecream in my freezer and it's icy cold outside. It's something special with cold weather... A clear sky with stars and a breath that becomes a small cloud as soon as it leaves the mouth. I think it's the mysterious feeling I get from it. I like myseries. I probably shouldn't for some reason I don't know, but I do. Of course, I also like fairytales and colours and I have no idea why I'm writing that down. Hrm...
You know, there is something special about a person's voice. A really beautiful person can turn you off completely with a horrible voice and a very monotone voice will make you lose interest completely. (Yes, I know - I am shallow, but I'm also in love with voices.) So why am I writing this down? No reason really more than that I just saw parts of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and Hugo Weaving (who plays Elrond, the king of the elves) really does have a great voice. Of course, that might've been because I've seen V for Vendetta and associate him with a dark, dangerous and mysterious man...
Anyway - here's a sidenote; the seven deadly sins.
My right foot hurts so much I can't walk properly.
But I'm not complaining - more stating facts.
On the plus-side I did look really good at the New Year's Party (my best friend told me she'd "totally do me" if she was a man so I think that's good), I have icecream in my freezer and it's icy cold outside. It's something special with cold weather... A clear sky with stars and a breath that becomes a small cloud as soon as it leaves the mouth. I think it's the mysterious feeling I get from it. I like myseries. I probably shouldn't for some reason I don't know, but I do. Of course, I also like fairytales and colours and I have no idea why I'm writing that down. Hrm...
You know, there is something special about a person's voice. A really beautiful person can turn you off completely with a horrible voice and a very monotone voice will make you lose interest completely. (Yes, I know - I am shallow, but I'm also in love with voices.) So why am I writing this down? No reason really more than that I just saw parts of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and Hugo Weaving (who plays Elrond, the king of the elves) really does have a great voice. Of course, that might've been because I've seen V for Vendetta and associate him with a dark, dangerous and mysterious man...
Anyway - here's a sidenote; the seven deadly sins.
- lust
- gluttony
- greed
- sloth
- wrath
- envy
- pride
And here are the holy virtues:
- chastity
- temperance
- charity
- diligence
- patience
- kindness
- humility
So far I have done all the deadly sins - five of them just a few hours ago - and only chastity of the virtues. Although, they probably count in thoughts too so that'd make it 5-0 for the deadly sins this year. Looking good so far!
Thursday, 1 January 2009
welcome
It really did end with a boom and it was an amazing end to less amazing year. A party that started in the early eve and ended at 5:30am this morning. Truly wonderful.
I got a fortunecookie for 2008 at dinner and it said "Your kindness will be repaid". Then, after midnight, we got one each again which will be for all of 2009 and mine says "Don't be afraid to take that big step". Everyone else got fortunes like mine for 2008 and I get this. The time for fear and anxiety is over - something new is definitely coming.
And yes, I did stand there like a moron at midnight going "oooh" and "aaah" and "look over there".
I got a fortunecookie for 2008 at dinner and it said "Your kindness will be repaid". Then, after midnight, we got one each again which will be for all of 2009 and mine says "Don't be afraid to take that big step". Everyone else got fortunes like mine for 2008 and I get this. The time for fear and anxiety is over - something new is definitely coming.
And yes, I did stand there like a moron at midnight going "oooh" and "aaah" and "look over there".
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